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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28852032">Evan, 28 From Los Angeles</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenantforces/pseuds/revenantforces'>revenantforces</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Matchmaking, Blind Date, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, He is Evan in this one, M/M, Mutual Pining, Online Dating, OnlyFans, Possessive Eddie Diaz, Slow Burn, Some Fluff, Some angst, Sort of AU, Yet Somehow Perfect Match, some smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:28:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>34,238</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28852032</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenantforces/pseuds/revenantforces</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He seemed too good to be true as Eddie skimmed through his profile. He was exquisitely built and had a jaw sharp enough to pierce Eddie’s resolve. There were very few free photographs, but the ones provided were enough to wet his appetite. He was just the type Eddie longed to feast on. Not only was he visually delicious but he seemed to share the same type of humor based off the short biography. Then there was his flawless smile that made Eddie’s heart flutter faster than it should have. There were mostly blurry previews as browsed through the content Evan offered for sale. But if the pictures had been any indication, it would have to be apparent to Eddie that he wasn’t going to be able to let this go until he saw more.</p><p>Eddie finds an alluring stranger on OnlyFans.com and strikes up a conversation with him online against his better judgment. He tells himself that he only does it so that Maddie and Chimney will stop trying to hook him up with her little brother, but he ends up falling for his new internet friend harder than he thought he would.</p><p>*COMPLETE*</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>284</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First of all, I just want to give a HUUUGE SHOUT and thank you to all my babes who helped me out with this. You da real MVPs ladies for listening to all my crap as I struggled to patch this together with the remaining cells in my brain. It was a long process and I wanted to make sure it was done all at once so that I could post all at once because I hate getting into a story and then it never gets finished and you never find out what happens. I have never written anything this long before, so bear with me if it falls apart. I hope you guys enjoy my interpretation of the online dating trope. Sorry if it's a little scattered or unfinished or rushed or terrible, I wanted to get it done relatively soon after the premiere aired tonight.</p><p>also, disclaimer, I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE how OnlyFans works, so if anything is inaccurate or not believable about that, that's why!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie wasn’t usually the type of person to brag on his achievements or accomplishments. Most things he did on a routine basis were considered noteworthy and heroic. After a while, it was just part of his day. He definitely didn’t equate scoring a phone number to saving anyone’s life, but he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so good after doing something he was afraid to do. Especially after the pestering everyone at his firehouse had been giving him about his love life. He’d not meant to stay single forever, but trying to find somebody to break the ice with when he’d never dated a man yet was more of a feat than he’d imagined. As he held the napkin folded in the palm of his hand while he practically floated into work that morning, he sought out his best friends to get their approval.</p><p>“You look exceptionally cheerful today,” Hen told him as she approached holding a cup of coffee from the kitchen upstairs. She noticed the coffee shop cup in Eddie’s hand and smirked. “Oh okay, you must’ve been talking to Mr. Coffee this morning.”</p><p>“His name’s Robert, I’ve told you this. Where’s Chim? I finally got his number,” Eddie revealed as he produced the napkin for her to see.</p><p>“That’s what I’m talkin’ about! He’s upstairs, let’s go show him,” Hen suggested as she started to go back the way she came without even waiting to see if Eddie would follow.</p><p>“Maybe this will get him off my back about meeting Maddie’s brother,” Eddie wished as he caught up to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Ha! I doubt it. Maddie has been trying to get him married off and turned into an adult since she got here,” Hen reminded him. “She won’t stop until both those things happen.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I don’t see why that means we have to meet each other,” Eddie griped.</p><p>“Chimney mentioned how you were lonely and in need of a first guy to break the ice, she thinks you two would be perfect for each other!” Hen told him. “I don’t think she’s wrong from everything I’ve heard. I have yet to meet him, though.”</p><p>“Well, Chimney can tell her that I’ve got a break the ice guy now,” Eddie informed her with an air of pride.</p><p>He felt like a teenager again as he scaled the steps in a hurry, wanting to show off his bravery before the adrenaline rush wore off. Four years ago living in Texas alone after his wife had run out on him and left him with their son, Eddie never would’ve been so dreamy or ambitious. He’d only just come out to his colleagues at the firehouse at the start of his second year on the job, and they’d been trying to help him with a gentle introduction to the dating game ever since. But Eddie had been moving slowly. He’d still not even discussed his preference to his blood relatives, and he didn’t know what his son Christopher would think. As he caught sight of his found family, Eddie couldn’t resist the well of success that brimmed inside him as slapped the napkin onto the countertop and Chim turned around with wide eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Is this what I think it is?” Chimney asked as he examined the digits written into the recycled brown paper.</p><p>“I finally got his number,” Eddie told them, feeling pretty pleased with himself after only having battled with the concept for nearly six months. “So you can stop feeling sorry for me now, I’m good.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s about time,” Hen ribbed.</p><p>“Whoa, I’ll say you are. What exactly did you say to him to get this kind of response?” Chimney asked as he turned the napkin upside down so that it would read correctly for him.</p><p>“I don’t know? I said it would be cool if we could hang out some time. Why, what do you mean?” Eddie asked as he came around to stand beside Chim so that he could read it again.</p><p>“Hang out, or go on a date?” Chimney asked for clarification.</p><p>“Uhh, my exact words were literally ‘maybe we could hang out sometime’,” Eddie reiterated.</p><p>“Oh hell no, he’s looking for a sugar daddy! He gave you a link to his OnlyFans,” Hen said after she read the napkin, too, and she couldn’t stop her laughter.</p><p>“What, is that like Facebook?” Eddie muttered as he swiped the napkin back and read the link again.</p><p>“Uhmm, no.” Chimney pursed his lips as he turned back toward the coffee he’d been making for himself. Hen scrunched her nose.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s kind of like-” Hen started.</p><p>“A porn site,” Chimney finished for her as he spun around, mug in hand.</p><p>“What?” Eddie asked in disbelief. “Why would he give me a link to a porn site?”</p><p>“Not <em>a </em>porn site, <em>his </em>porn site!” Hen explained as she pulled her phone from her pocket. “Coffee boy likes to show it off! But we can’t look at it without a profile, so let’s sign you up.”</p><p>Eddie could feel his cheeks burning redder than the truck waiting in the bay for an emergency as Hen and Chimney gathered around her cell phone and began to enter Eddie’s personal information into the fields to create a new profile for access to the site. When they needed his details they glossed over asking him, and wanted his input solely when it came to his user identification name.</p><p>“What should we call you?” Hen asked as she looked him over. He was cold-sweating, squirming, and scarlet with shame.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, Eddie! Live a little! If you don’t like what you see, or you’re just not into it, we can delete it right away. What’s the big deal? It’s not like its Tinder! You’re not trying to hook up with anyone or anything, you’re just gonna check out your man… and then… maybe browse?” Hen encouraged him and Chimney nodded in agreement.</p><p>“I’m not gonna browse. And we’re just gonna look at it once because I feel weird about it,” Eddie said as his face paled.</p><p>“He wouldn’t be inviting you or anyone else to look if <em>he </em>felt weird about it,” Chimney stated.</p><p>“You don’t think that’s kind of creepy? Having your junk all on the internet for everyone to, like…” Eddie gestured in front of his body to interpret his thought for him and Hen raised her eyebrows while Chimney grimaced.</p><p>“Well, when you put it like that,” Chim frowned.</p><p>“Oh, shut up, shut up, this is a perfectly legitimate way to make money nowadays! A lot of people do it,” Hen said.</p><p> </p><p>The room tensed when a silence fell over the group until Eddie huffed. “Nothing with any personal or incriminating undertones, okay?” he begged as he could feel himself trying to disappear.</p><p>“Is GIJoe87 too personal or incriminating for you?” Hen asked and Chim snorted.</p><p>“I don’t even want to do this, I didn’t know it was a porn link,” Eddie repeated.</p><p>“Enter your password,” Hen ordered and Eddie did so without thinking about it.</p><p>“Yeah, but now that you know, aren’t you kind of curious?” Chim wondered.</p><p>“You have to enter your credit card inform-” Hen started to say, but Eddie drew the line.</p><p>“NOPE!” Eddie threw his hands up and got up from the kitchen island immediately. “No way, I am not entering any credit card information! I liked this guy, and I’d be willing to pay if we go out for a date or something. But I don’t usually set aside money in my budget to pay for porn,” his voice had dropped to an ashamed whisper as he got to the end of the sentence.</p><p>“And if I’m gonna sleep with him eventually, anyway, why would I pay to see him now?” Eddie strategized.</p><p>“You don’t have to pay! ...Probably…” Hen muttered. “It’s just so we can see his profile, you only get charged if you buy a video or a picture! I just wanna see what he’s workin’ with… Don’t you?” she wondered, and Eddie couldn’t refute that he had been intrigued.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t like the idea of paying for sexual things, that’s not who I am.” Eddie shook his head distastefully. “I didn’t even know he was into that, it kind of makes me feel different about him. Let’s delete it,” he decided finally. </p><p> “Why would it make you feel different about him? He’s still the same person he’s always been!” Hen reasoned. “You sure you’re not being a little judgmental?”</p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes. “No, I’m not. I just feel like somebody who’s into something like that is way kinkier than I’m willing to get. You know me.”</p><p>“Yeah, you are pretty vanilla… But maybe it’s like one of those cupcakes every kid gets for their birthday party. Vanilla as fuck on the outside, but with a few surprises poppin’ off when you take a bite. I know you have it in you to do this if you want to! You like this guy, but you’re finding an excuse. Don’t be that way,” Hen dared him.</p><p>“Okay, is it really me finding excuses when he gives me something like that to work with? I thought he was out of my realm before with all the weird metal music he likes and those anime cartoons I don’t know anything about, but now I know he’s really not my type.” Eddie shook his head. “Delete it.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Chimney asked in disbelief before the bell rang into the room and saved what was left of Eddie’s dignity.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m sure,” he sighed as he slid the napkin off the counter top.</p><p>“Alright, alright, I’ll sign out of it, then you can delete it later,” Hen told him as she clicked the “log out” option at the top of the screen with her finger.</p><p>“Thanks,” Eddie told her gratefully as they got themselves together and headed down the stairs quickly.</p><p>Eddie had been beyond blessed with mercy that Chimney and Hen rode in the ambulance behind the truck because the entire way to their emergency he was sweating buckets and shaming himself for getting into his such a predicament. He really didn’t need the full play-by-play recap for everyone else from those two that would’ve made him feel worse.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They had a few exhausting calls back to back and the reality of his life that night had kept Eddie so busy that he’d not thought about Robert or his porn site any more. There were far more pressing matters and when Eddie had the time to get to his phone, he checked in with his family. By that evening, he had completely forgotten about it until he was winding down to try and chance a moment to get rinsed off after they’d eaten.</p><p>“Did you delete it yet?” Hen asked Eddie as he was on his way to the dorms to get his shower kit.</p><p>“I haven’t really had the time. I’ll probably do it now,” Eddie shrugged, figuring it was probably a good move to go back to being celibate until he died alone of sexual frustration.</p><p>“Eddie, I’m not trying to be mean, but you gotta get that stick out of your ass. Shannon’s been out of your life for a long time, but you’ve still not been out on a date with anyone in years! Every one of us here is supporting you and frankly, I can’t wait to see you happy with somebody. You’ve been out for a while now… Maybe this Robert really is your break the ice guy?” Hen was trying to be helpful, but Eddie said nothing as he sat in awkward silence with a sour look on his face.</p><p>“You’re always so lonely and mopey! If I were you I would at least check him out. He likes you already, you like him already! It can only either fizzle out or spark into something great, right?” Hen wasn’t wrong, but Eddie was still not sure.</p><p>“Will this get you and Chimney to stop trying to set me up with every bachelor in Los Angeles? Because if it doesn’t, I’m gonna go back to Texas,” Eddie told her with a sarcastic tone while she pursed her lips.</p><p>“It might… but if it doesn’t work there is another option available to you,” she figured and Eddie huffed his annoyance. “If it’s not him we’ll find someone else!”</p><p>“Next time, don’t even bother, please?” Eddie implored and Hen nodded.</p><p>“Yeah, okay… but can I just say that you found this one on your own, though?” Hen pointed out.</p><p>“And I’m so glad I told you guys about it,” he said, ending the conversation without another word.</p><p> </p><p>As he laid in bed thinking about what Hen said about how lonely and mopey he’d been, Eddie hadn’t wanted to acknowledge that she hadn’t exactly been talking crazy. He’d been so worried about meeting the right person who’d be good enough for him and for Christopher. Then there was the chilling fear of potentially having a broken heart. There were too many factors that meant he’d not wanted to let anyone in. Now that he had a real person interested, it would’ve been stupid of him not to at least see if it had any potential. But he didn’t know how he felt about somebody so risqué being involved in his life. Robert had seemed like such a normal guy before, but now Eddie had to second guess if the whole thing had maybe been a ploy to get him to invest more than his time.</p><p>Feeling a little embarrassed for wanting to check it out, Eddie hesitated before he typed the site that Robert had written on the napkin into his phone’s browser.  He logged into his profile and started to check out Robert’s until he realized that he didn’t have the exact username. He’d left the napkin in the breast pocket of his turnouts after he’d grabbed it off the counter when they’d had to rush out that morning. He could easily go to his cubby to retrieve it, but he didn’t want to risk running into anyone else as he went across the station to get to the coat.</p><p>Eddie exhaled after the couple of usernames he thought it had been had turned out not to work. He was contemplating giving up and continuing with his plan to get rid of the profile until one of the suggested users on the screen caught his attention. A rippling blonde haired, blue eyed angel gazed back at him with a cut off tshirt and his arms flexed for the mirror that he posed before, and Eddie blinked dumbly at the screen name that begged for him to click on it.</p><p> </p><p>Evan, 28 from Los Angeles, seemed too good to be true as Eddie skimmed through his profile. He was exquisitely built and had a jaw sharp enough to pierce Eddie’s resolve. There were very few free photographs, but the ones provided were enough to wet his appetite. He was just the type Eddie longed to feast on. Not only was he visually delicious but he seemed to share the same type of humor based off the short biography. Then there was his flawless smile that made Eddie’s heart flutter faster than it should have. There were mostly blurry previews as browsed through the content Evan offered for sale. But if the pictures had been any indication, it would have to be apparent to Eddie that he wasn’t going to be able to let this go until he saw more.</p><p>He felt weird about stalking through each thumbnail wanting to see what was underneath when only hours before he’d been knocking just that act. It seemed hypocritical and Eddie should’ve known better. The only thing he could fathom was that he’d never been captivated by a person merely based off of a photograph before. There was something about Evan that made Eddie feel comfortable despite his initial reservations. As he skimmed through each post, he’d not felt the same type of turned off he had expected and it was instead kind of exciting.</p><p>“Sometimes I make breakfast the morning after,” Eddie read off the screen. The thumbnail was awfully flesh-toned and Eddie could make out the outline of a human form.</p><p>“Can’t get your clothes dirty when you’re painting if you don’t wear any,” said the next one. Eddie instantly felt a fondness growing in his chest- he was a painter, too, and it endeared Evan to him.</p><p>“Fresh out of the shower, should I get dressed today?” said the next, with a winky face beside it.</p><p>“Ab day,” was the only thing the next one said, but the thumbnail was just the same as the breakfast one.</p><p> </p><p>Most of the videos seemed to be workouts, until Eddie came across one that made his tongue go dry. “Just me gettin railed,” is all the description said. The price on all of them was $5.00, and as Eddie hovered his fingertip over the thumbnail, he deduced that five dollars wasn’t an astronomical amount. For only one video, it would be absurd to be upset over it. It was merely the price of the coffee he’d bought at the coffee shop at the start of his shift. Though he’d never paid for something like that before, the temptation was positively wrecking him.</p><p>But he was at work, and they could get a call any second. Even though Eddie had been trying to prepare to try and clean up a little for the night, it wouldn’t be okay to sit in his room watching pornography on his cell phone the same way it would’ve been if he were actually taking a shower. He felt guilty… but Evan was too enticing. Eddie clicked the link and winced when it asked if he was willing to accept the charge.</p><p>At barely over two minutes long Eddie immediately felt kind of duped into paying for it. But when it started he let out an audible gasp. Evan was laid out on his stomach, facing the recording device, which appeared to be his laptop computer. His face was lit from the cool glow of the screen and he clutched a pillow to his chest with both massive forearms folded in front of him around it. His hair was wild and unkempt and sweet golden curls jutted in every direction from the top of his head. His eyes were clear like the water in Hawaii where Eddie had spent his honeymoon, and he had sand colored freckles dotting his shoulders. Eddie could see a man with considerably darker skin standing behind him, his head cropped out so that he was only visible just below the pecs.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling a little naughty for looking into someone’s private life this way, Eddie watched dumbstruck as this other man grabbed Evan by the waist and pulled him away from the camera so that it buried his face just a little bit in the fluff he’d been holding. Evan laughed as he made himself comfortable and it was like music to Eddie’s soul. He felt himself shudder and goose-pimples rose on the back of his neck as Evan rolled his head and tightened his knuckles around the pillow when the man at his back pushed into him. The moan that fell from his lips was enough to send Eddie to the brink already.</p><p>While he worked him open the person behind him reached up and laced his fingers through Evan’s locks, yanking his head just enough that Eddie could see he had deep purple marks decorating the column of his throat. He couldn’t help but speculate if the man inside of him had made them, or if it was someone else. Eddie could see on his subscriber count that nearly 350k people thought he was attractive, so he had to be in pretty high demand. It felt kind of perverted that Eddie was now one of them, but the sounds coming from Evan’s lungs as the other man picked up the pace were scintillating and he had fallen under his spell. He fumbled to lower the volume as the pitcher got more aggressive until Evan’s cries were muffled by the pillow beneath his face when he was being smothered with it from above.  </p><p>Eddie didn’t intend to become so aroused but he found himself slinking down his tensing six-pack to reach beneath his waistband. He had to touch himself to the gorgeous soundtrack of breathless bliss coming from the tiny speaker in his hand. It was nearly too much when Evan looked into the camera and grinned before he rolled his eyes back into their sockets and his mouth fell open while he raked the pillow to his heart. Eddie had only just gotten started when the reel ended and the silence in the room strangled him. Daring to take the chance, Eddie opted to pay for the video to start over and it took almost no time to finish himself off.</p><p> </p><p>After he’d blown his load, Eddie felt shamed and disgusting while he scrambled to clean himself up. He still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he’d actually just done that until a buzzing from the device beside him on the bed nearly sent him into cardiac arrest. It was a message from OnlyFans, and Eddie nearly toppled off the mattress when he saw who’d sent it. There had been no way out of close to half a million people that Evan could’ve singled him out- it had to have been automated. Eddie didn’t want to get his hopes up as he opened the correspondence to read just that.</p><p>“Thanks for buying one of my videos, I hope you liked what you saw. Sign up for email updates to get real time alerts when I turn on my cam and check out my subscriber page for exclusive content, private chats and clips, live streams, hardcore videos, and more!” the email said. Eddie bit his lip as he contemplated giving this person any more of his attention or cash and he shook the idea from his brain. He’d gotten one video like he’d bargained, and now he could leave it alone.</p><p>But Eddie couldn’t keep from beating it another time when he’d made it into the shower or thinking about it the entire rest of his shift.</p><p>When the time had come for his scheduled work hours to be over, Eddie practically rushed home while he called his Abuela on the way to ask if she wouldn’t mind keeping Christopher until the next day. An evil and sinister acidity washed into his esophagus when he had to accept that he had just lied to his grandmother because he wanted to pay to jerk off all night. But Eddie hardly cared about his rare dishonesty when he opened Evan’s page up on his computer and began to go through the rest of his videos.</p><p> </p><p>There were only 21 short clips on the free profile site, but only a few of them seemed mildly explicit like the one Eddie had already watched. The ones Eddie tended to linger on were the videos of Evan working out. Not only did he love to watch him sculpting that incredible body of his, but he typically enjoyed listening as he talked about what was going on in his world. It was mostly him harping on interesting things he’d read online or in books, theories he’d been contemplating, or concepts simple as whether or not he should go about rearranging his apartment. Eddie liked the fact that more often than not he was wearing a top and bottoms, but at least shorts in every one. He’d become enthralled by the sound of his voice the more he heard it. It was impossible not to fixate on the rosy birthmark he wore above his left eye. He’d watched them all at least once. But there were a certain few that he couldn’t stop replaying, and by dawn the next morning Eddie had racked up over $150 in watched pay-per-view videos from Evan’s page.</p><p>He’d not meant to go so overboard, especially when he wasn’t even going to pay for anything at all originally. But Evan was quickly becoming the man of Eddie’s dreams, and he woke up with him on the brain. The fact that he was but an image on the internet and a total stranger didn’t stop Eddie from wondering what he was doing at that moment. He tried to guess if Evan had a boyfriend who put up with his entrepreneurial pursuits. He hoped that he was as happy with his life as he seemed in the pieces he decided to showcase to the world.  He wondered if there was somebody paying for his time as Eddie laid in bed alone, and he hoped that Evan truly enjoyed it if there were. Though he’d not meant to check on Evan’s profile when he’d unlocked his phone for the first time since waking, Eddie was forced when he’d seen that he had another message on his OnlyFans account.</p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes when he noticed that it was another message from Evan and he clicked on it bitterly, expecting to read the same pander he’d received the previous time. He had to read it twice when he’d come to learn that it was a private chat message instead of a general group email.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I just wanted to reach out and personally say thank you for the generous feedback on my PPV content. Typically people have to pay to chat with me, but I noticed you’re not a regular or a subscriber.. so I’m giving you one on the house to ask; is there anything I can do to change your mind?” the message read.</p><p>Eddie scrunched his face and threw his head back into his pillow. Surely this couldn’t have been real.</p><p>“I only just found your page… but maybe post some more videos where you’re showing off your intellect and wearing some clothes?” Eddie wrote, pressing send before he could change his mind. His blood went cold when a “typing” icon appeared on the screen opposite his correspondence.</p><p>“I noticed you liked the workout vids the most, and the painting one… you know they don’t usually compliment me on my intellect on the subscriber page. I promise you won’t be disappointed. If you are, we can always work it out so that you can punish me for it,” Evan wrote back with one of those suggestive winky faces he seemed to use gratuitously.</p><p>Eddie froze. His breath seemed to deafen him as he tried to decide what smooth and absolutely brilliant line he could counter that with. He’d started to try and tap out a debonair response, but his phone began to sound in his palm and Abuela’s picture came up on the screen.  Eddie hadn’t realized it was nearly noon. It had been almost four in the morning when he’d finally knocked out. He’d stayed up so long drooling over Evan that he had gotten up later than he’d meant to and was due to pick up Christopher in just about an hour.</p><p>By the time Eddie had talked to his Abuela and caught up with Christopher it had been over thirty minutes. Frantically, he tried to return to the page where he’d had a free and open line to Evan’s consideration. But he’d taken so long on the phone that Evan had closed the chat. Eddie dragged himself to the shower to sulk beneath the stream in hopes of getting presentable enough for a venture out, but spent most of the time thinking about his new obsession instead.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie used the rest break from work trying to forget about Evan and being fully present in his actual relationships. Checking his message account obsessively to see if Evan had reached back out was proving to drive him deeper into madness, so Eddie did everything he could to distract himself. He and Christopher went to the beach after he’d picked him up from Abuela’s, then the zoo the next day, then a Dodgers game the last. Hen had texted him wanting to know if he’d ever looked up Robert’s profile, and Eddie told her he deleted his own so that he wouldn’t have to explain the new hell he’d slipped into. Not only was he mortified that he’d just given almost a third of a day’s pay away to somebody he’d never even met, but Eddie didn’t want the judgment that being mildly infatuated with a webcam model would earn him with his friends at the station.</p><p>It was depressing the amount of times Eddie had viewed Evan’s profile by nightfall on his “Sunday” and as he crawled into bed, he prepared to rack up some more. Last he’d checked when they’d gotten home from the baseball game, his free page had not been updated since the previous week when he’d posted Eddie’s favorite workout. When he tucked in for the night and noticed a new video had been added just hours before while he and Christopher likely had been having their dinner, Eddie’s breath hitched.</p><p>“Showing off my intellect and wearing some clothes,” was the tagline, and Eddie couldn’t help but believe that was an inside shout to him. Those were the exact words he’d used with Evan during their brief conversation and it couldn’t have been a coincidence.</p><p> </p><p>When Eddie clicked on the thumbnail and paid the $5.00, he felt a sharp pang in his chest as the media started to play. Evan sat on a bay window seat, bathed in the afternoon sunset and surrounded by a pretty impressive garden of lush green houseplants. His torso had been turned enough that he could perch his elbow in the sill and he kept his legs slightly spread. His right hand rested in his lap, drawing focus to his crotch, while his left held a book up so that he could read from it. Though as Eddie surveyed the delicious view, he noted that “clothes” hadn’t quite been the correct term for what Evan had been wearing.</p><p>A pair of clear framed glasses sat on the bridge of his nose and tight dark colored briefs clung to his hips, but he wore nothing else. When he started to read, it was a poem that Eddie had never heard. But he probably wouldn’t have recognized it even if he had; he was stuck on details like the fuzz that blanketed Evan’s thighs and the way his digits rested against the spine of the book while he supported it delicately on his fingertips. When his chest rose and fell softly with every breath he took, it put Eddie into a trance. It seemed he could be lost forever in that little sip of air that came before each new passage. He wanted to spend hours hidden in the shadow Evan’s face cast over his neck that had healed up since the first video Eddie had watched. He was quite literally a work of art and Eddie could ignore it no longer.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bait had worked and Eddie gave in. After opting to pay the $10.00 monthly subscription fee to Evan’s paid account just so that he could have more of him, Eddie was taken aback when he discovered that there were nearly six times the amount of videos posted than he’d seen on the free profile. A lot of them seemed to feature the same type of content the free page offered, but Eddie could see that there were also a lot that were x-rated in nature. Evan posted a new offering every day, and Eddie sighed his frustration out when he realized it would cost him to view each and every one. He let himself have a single new clip before he did anything else, then he went to his bank app and checked on his balance. He was out over $200 in just about 4 days. There was no justifying any more until he’d gotten his next paycheck, so he told himself that he would have to wait another week.</p><p>It hadn’t been an easy undertaking. For the next six days Eddie’s life dragged. It was literally painful for him to go through the motions while he simultaneously creeped on Evan’s OnlyFans but wouldn’t let himself indulge in paying for another video. The only thing keeping him alive was that Evan posted more free pictures to his subscriber page, and Eddie was desperate to make those good enough. He was able to screen capture his favorites and he kept them at his fingertips for when they had downtime at the station. He’d been staring at his phone so much that his coworkers began to inquire.</p><p> </p><p>“Things must be going really well with Robert, huh?” Chimney asked him one day as they sat in the lounge watching others play Need For Speed.</p><p>“I thought you said you didn’t look at his profile?” Hen interjected.</p><p>Panic was a non-option so Eddie employed all of his stoic military-grade strength and brushed it off. “Nah, I didn’t. But we’ve been texting a little bit,” Eddie fibbed so that he may seem less pathetic for being so overwrought by an online mystery. Somehow talking to somebody who posted their business for the world to see didn’t seem as shady if it were somebody Eddie had actually met face to face.</p><p>“It doesn’t freak you out that anyone can just pay to look at his dick?” said Chimney.</p><p>The thought made him need fresh air. It’s not like Eddie hadn’t known about the fact, but he didn’t like to imagine what number in line he’d been.</p><p>“Did you ask him about the page? Does he <em>need </em>the money, or is he just a little freak? I think it would be kind of cool to be worshipped by all these people, just holding all that power,” Hen chimed in.</p><p>“I don’t even think about it,” Eddie spat out honestly, feeling his gut lurch. Evan being special to so many other people was a truth he never liked to entertain. He had a hard enough time thinking about the people he loved who got to see him every day in real life.</p><p>“How many fans does he have?” Chimney wondered and Eddie scoffed. He had eventually looked at Robert’s profile just to check it out. He offered a lot more free content to a fraction of the followers Evan had, but Eddie wasn’t interested to be one of them anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you guys made plans for a date yet or is this website stopping you from going out with him still?” Hen questioned him and Eddie’s heart broke a little bit. He could only ever hope to be considered for a date. There was no way it could happen so there was no use to speculate how he would feel about it if by some miracle it did. It did mildly distress him that Evan was so freely provocative, but he couldn’t deny that he was so infatuated it didn’t revolt him enough to stop participating.</p><p>“I don’t know, I mean… I’m just taking it slow, I don’t even know him,” Eddie sulked sadly, dwelling on the reality of his situation.</p><p>“You know him well enough, right? You guys have talked a few times a week for the past six months! Didn’t you say he spends some of his time fostering homeless pets? And that he stays with his grandma on his off days to clean her house and make her food for the week? He seems like a really good guy!” Hen tried to defend Robert and Eddie wanted to come clean right then. He wanted to tell them both that he’d blown off a tangible guy who was actually relationship-material for some fabrication he’d never have a shot with out of thousands all vying for the same.</p><p>“Yeah, he is,” Eddie answered numbly. “But it’s not serious or anything, so… you know, I’m just gonna see what happens.”</p><p>“Maddie and I are going out for dinner next Wednesday when we’re off, you wanna come with us? Double date?” Chimney suggested and Eddie shook his head without a beat.</p><p>“No, I don’t think so, thanks, Chim. I’ll handle my dating life, okay? I’m just gonna keep it simple,” Eddie explained before he excused himself to go downstairs. Chim and Hen exchanged puzzled glances as he skipped down the steps more quickly than he knew himself capable.</p><p> </p><p>The only way he’d been able to let some steam off lately and be left relatively on his own had been at the gym, so Eddie decided to post up there until a call would come through. But new hurdle had presented itself when he couldn’t stop seeing the videos of Evan doing the same workouts constantly flooding his recollection and robbing him of his concentration.</p><p>But it wasn’t just the gym. Everyday life had been ruined when Eddie couldn’t cook anymore because of the video that Evan had posted where he’d been scrambling eggs in nothing but an apron and those clear-framed glasses. There was no way he was able to wash up without whacking himself because of the posts where Evan had been lathering up in zoomed shots of his hands against his chiseled physique. Even getting dressed had proven to be a chore when he could picture Evan doing the same in one of the videos he’d put up where he simply had gotten ready for his errands in a sort of reverse strip tease. When his check hit his account at midnight on payday, Eddie immediately dedicated a chunk of it to Evan.</p><p>The hardest decision he’d ever made seemed to be the amount that Eddie would be willing to spend doing something he’d never envisioned himself ever being stupid enough to do. It was clear to him that he needed to scale it back, but he’d already spent $215. If he dedicated anywhere near that amount of money from this check, the total would be more than the payment on the new truck he was trying to save for. For a monthly expense, it wasn’t responsible. Eddie had a child with special needs and loads of interests to think about, and the home they lived in was still under a mortgage. He couldn’t let himself get in that deep. He decided to ration it out to six videos a week, but it hurt him that he’d be missing so many.</p><p> </p><p>A promise to himself that he would never let Christopher suffer because of this was enough to keep him in check. Eddie had been rather proud that he’d managed to go three days Evan-free in an attempt to save his views for his time off. He’d sat reading the newspaper while Bobby was fixing the crew at the 118 their lunch one afternoon when an alert went off on his phone to let him know that he’d received a new message. Ever since he’d received a voluntary communication from Evan nearly two weeks earlier, Eddie had been a slave to his alert tone. Every time his phone went off he started behaving like an excited puppy and he felt just as dumb.</p><p>“Come watch me play call of duty,” it said, with a picture of Evan in only a pair of fancy Xbox Live headphones and a game controller in his hands covering his lap. His head tilted seductively, he featured his arched brow and genetic stamp of perfection and Eddie knew he would do anything he had to do to find a few moments to view this stream.</p><p>It took him several minutes to excuse himself and break from the group without stirring up any questions until he landed in the only place in the firehouse Eddie felt like he might not be disturbed. As he huddled into a vacant bathroom stall and put an ear bud into one ear, he prepared to tap into the stream until he saw that it was $25 to view. That was already almost the entire allotment he’d negotiated, but he was dying to get a glimpse of Evan in real time. Every video he’d watched before had been recorded in the past. Something about knowing what he was doing at the exact time Eddie was watching aroused every sense and he paid the money without a second thought.</p><p>But when the feed started to run across his screen, Eddie dropped the phone against the tile. Though it had been obvious what kind of fare Evan had been flaunting, Eddie had never actually seen his bare anatomy before. The videos he chose were ones where he had either been clothed or strategically concealed and he noticed that Evan marked the hardcore ones with an ‘X’ after each tagline. Eddie had not yet found the strength to watch any one of the many NSFW videos published alongside those more innocent ones. When he found that Evan was leant back into the billowing cushions of a nice looking sofa with a raging hard on against his abdomen, Eddie could barely look at it without wanting to scream.</p><p> </p><p>He felt his trousers tighten at the memory, burned into the backs of his eyelids, as he moved to pick up the phone from the ground but was careful not to turn it back over so that he could see the face. The idea of looking at him when so many others were doing the same was enough to rise the bile from his stomach into Eddie’s mouth. Moral sense didn’t outweigh the primal instinct to look again, and he slowly tipped his phone upward so that he could just barely see the image playing across it.</p><p>“You guys just keep telling me to get the sentry gun so you can watch me jerk off, I get it,” Evan told his audience, and for the first time Eddie realized there was a chat box off to the right of the screen with a field below it that invited Eddie to say anything he wanted to say. But he couldn’t even formulate a complete thought while he swooned over how gorgeous Evan looked as he bit his lip when he zeroed in on a target on the screen. A wave of the warmest feeling swept Eddie away as his long blonde lashes fluttered when he looked back and forth from each screen laid out in front of him.</p><p>“If you die you have to cum for us?” Evan read from his laptop as he fondled himself with one hand quickly. “That’s not fair. How is that fair? I’ve died <em>and</em> I have to cum for you? What are you gonna do for me, NeonRay_3883?”</p><p>Eddie watched the text thread populate so rapidly as more and more users added comments and small amount tips, until he saw NeonRay_3883’s username donate $100. And then another user donated the same amount. Then another. Eddie’s jaw practically unhinged itself. Evan started to read off the names of the users gifting larger sums and he went back and forth between the game he was playing and the people giving money. He’d seemed to be doing a pretty good job keeping up until he read a line that forced a guilty smirk. It made the dimples in his cheeks stand out and Eddie had to purse his lips to keep an audible approval from escaping.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, JuneauMike92, I’m missing, like, all of you because I’m trying not to die, I’m sorry,” Evan said as he kept his eyes on the computer screen, scanning over each of the names while he lined his teeth with the tip of his tongue and kept that devilish smile painted on. Eddie’s heart raced beneath his ribs as Evan stroked his shaft lazily while he paid less attention the game until he turned his head sharply.</p><p>“Awe, and just like that, you guys made me die! I was trying to pay attention to them, and to you guys, and to this,” he admitted as he pumped himself a few times, “and I couldn’t do it. So I guess you all won the bet and it’s my turn to pay up.” Evan put the game controller down and cupped his balls with his newly emptied hand while his precum continued to drip over the fingers on his other and Eddie shivered against the porcelain he’d sat upon.</p><p>It should’ve gone without being proven, but Eddie was brutally attacked with what a ridiculous idea it had been when the emergency bell rang into the bathroom and nearly sent him up the wall. He felt like he might cry as he watched Evan touch himself for a few precious last seconds before he closed out of the window and tried to calm down enough that his own boner wouldn’t be glaringly obvious. By the time he’d managed to join the others, the only thing obvious to Eddie was that six videos a week wouldn’t be enough.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie could hardly handle it after that live stream hyped him into such a frenzy. It took every ounce of will power he’d had not to hand over more of his wages while he’d still been on the clock. The only thing that saved him was having 24-hour shifts and an entirely strenuous job that required every ounce of his dedication. When their weekend started up again and Wednesday night rolled around, Eddie and Christopher sat watching a movie while the sun was setting outside. A text came through from Chimney’s phone and when he opened it up Eddie was surprised to see that it was still an invitation to have dinner with he and his girlfriend Maddie.</p><p>“If you don’t have any plans tonight, Maddie and I are gonna eat at her place. Her brother ended up coming by and we started hanging out and drinking a little bit so she just decided to fix dinner here. Super casual and laid back, I swear it’s not some kind of ambush. She didn’t even know he was coming,” Chimney had written. Eddie wrinkled his nose at the idea. It was stupid for him to think that he wouldn’t meet anybody new because of Evan… but Eddie felt like he didn’t want to meet anyone new because of Evan. It was safe to say that there was literally nothing going on between them. But Eddie still didn’t think it would be fair to anyone he was trying to be romantic with that he would rather spend his resources on Evan’s internet profile instead of taking someone new out on a real date.</p><p>“Sorry, I did have plans tonight with Christopher! We’re hanging out too. You guys have fun, enjoy dinner, tell Maddie I said hi.” Eddie shut his phone off and vowed to give his full attention to his son that night. He would be leaving to spend time with Peppa tomorrow for a few hours, so he would give his time to Evan then. It had been a good thing he’d been okay with ignoring him for the night. Eddie had checked his profile just before he and Chris sat down to have pizza and Evan hadn’t posted his daily video yet anyway.</p><p> </p><p>The next day after Aunt Peppa had come over to take Christopher shopping for some new school clothes and out to eat lunch, Eddie pulled up his OnlyFans page and went to Evan’s profile immediately. The video he’d posted for that day had been uploaded nearly two hours before with a tagline that read “the best way to wake up.” Eddie felt curious, so he decided to click the thumbnail and pay the $5.00 to see it.</p><p>When it began to run, Eddie felt his heart ooze into a puddle at the bottom of his pelvis. Evan was laid out atop the same mattress Eddie recognized as the one from his bedroom. He’d been topless of course but covered with light gray striped bedding from the waist down. He rested on his belly with his arms folded underneath the pillow that he’d been propped upon, and his head was tilted to the side so that Eddie could see that gorgeous birthmark he’d fallen in love with. Blonde curls graced his face, beautifully scattered across his forehead from sleep. It was the most heavenly thing Eddie had ever seen until another man’s hand reached down to pet him lovingly.</p><p>Eddie had always been careful to avoid the videos that clearly had two people in them. He’d not wanted to see Evan actually having sex with someone else. He was terrified that would be the case if he let the clip keep going. It only had fifty seconds left to run, and though Eddie felt sick to keep viewing it, he felt he needed to know where it would go. When the other man’s cock stole the scene and he started to stroke it, Eddie closed the window without finishing it. When he read the tagline again, he did indeed see the little ‘X’ warning sign that he’d missed before out of haste.</p><p> </p><p>He sat feeling dejected and upset with Evan’s OnlyFans page up on his laptop when he caught sight of  the menu it offered with all of the services Evan was willing to provide and the cost for each one. Eddie noted that he had several chat options for sale. Ten minutes for $15, thirty for $25, and forty-five for $35. He’d never used the chat feature on the site but that one time that Evan had contacted him for free, and he wasn’t sure if it was set up so that Evan would let him know when he was ready, or if he would be at Eddie’s will once he’d paid the money. Clicking on the thirty minute session and agreeing to pay the money had prompted an email to be sent to his account with an invitation for a time slot that Evan would be available. Eddie looked at the clock to see that it was only ten minutes from the time he’d bought the session, so he tried to regulate his heartbeat and prepare for a conversation that shouldn’t have heated him as much as it did.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey stud, I thought I’d never get you hooked. Thanks for subscribing finally. So what’s on your mind?” Evan typed and Eddie’s mouth hung open in shock. He couldn’t believe that Evan would’ve remembered him out of so many people when they’d barely spoken a few words to each other over a month before.</p><p>“You are,” Eddie wrote back honestly.</p><p>And then the winky face made its first appearance of the talk. “Oh yeah? Still impressed with my intellect or you wanna touch on something else now?” he returned, and Eddie almost fainted. He absolutely did specifically remember him, and now he was flirting about it.</p><p>“I still like the intellect,” Eddie said, feeling a little weary that Evan kept trying to bring it back to sex, but then he figured that was probably what everyone expected from him and he was just doing his job.</p><p>“Ouch, should I be insulted? I saw that you paid for today’s video… you don’t at least think I give a good looking blow job? Maybe you wanna find out for yourself? That can be arranged if you’re interested,” Evan told him.</p><p>“I actually didn’t finish watching it. I prefer the videos when you’re alone,” Eddie confessed, feeling slightly embarrassed for even admitting that to Evan.</p><p>“And wearing clothes?” Evan added.</p><p>“You’re insanely gorgeous, and your body is literally perfect. But yes. My favorites are the ones where you’re talking to the camera instead of performing for it. I like getting to know you better,” Eddie wrote.</p><p>“Thank you, that’s really sweet,” Evan wrote back. “I bet you know how to treat a guy.”</p><p> </p><p>Again back to the sex. Eddie sighed a little bit and started to try and think of any way he could make it obvious that’s not what he wanted from him. “I’m not sure, I’ve actually never been with one before,” Eddie confided and quickly felt ashamed for divulging something like that to somebody like Evan.</p><p>“You want to?” Evan asked and Eddie’s heartbeat spiked off the charts.</p><p>“Not like this,” he answered while he had an aneurysm.</p><p>“So what are you into then, daddy?” Evan pried, keeping it overtly flirtatious but giving Eddie an opportunity to tell him that he didn’t want him to think that he had to keep up the act for his benefit.</p><p>“I told you,” Eddie entered then started a new text. “You.”</p><p>“But I want the real you,” he clarified as he entered a third line and went into the fourth. “Tell me about yourself,” Eddie asked, feeling somewhat confident that because Evan was being paid to talk about what Eddie wanted him to, he would have to oblige.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you wanna know?”</p><p>“As much as you’re into telling me. Are you actually 28?” Eddie questioned him playfully.</p><p>“Haha yes… And my real name is Evan. I’m from the east coast but I really do live in LA now,” he answered.</p><p>“Don’t feel that you have to answer any questions if you don’t want to,” Eddie prefaced before he asked; “Do you have a real job?”</p><p>“This pays the bills,” he said dryly.</p><p>“Do you like it? I mean, really?” Eddie couldn’t help but wonder. Evan waited a longer time than he had to answer any of the other inquiries before the “typing” icon appeared.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it’s good. I get to make my own hours and meet a lot of people.” It was hard for Eddie to read exactly how he felt behind the screen, but it would’ve seemed to him that Evan didn’t really enjoy it as much as he made it seem when the cameras were rolling. A brief flash of pity crossed him before Eddie sent the idea off. He didn’t know this man and didn’t want to start assuming that he was waiting for somebody to come along and save him.</p><p>“What do you do when you’re not doing this?” Eddie wrote.</p><p>“Probably the same kind of things you do when you’re not doing this. I like to cook, and paint as you know… I like to play videogames and work out, and be outside hiking and running and exploring nature. I love to drive… I used to want to be a racecar driver when I was a kid. But it’s an expensive hobby. I don’t really watch tv shows or anything but I like to read and learn about new things. I hang out with my cat a lot.” Eddie couldn’t help but smile as he read.</p><p>“What’s your cat’s name?” Eddie typed fondly.</p><p>“Norman,” he wrote back quickly. “He’s my best friend. Don’t tell anyone you keep getting freebies or it’s gonna get me into trouble,” Evan advised, leaving Eddie to wonder what he was talking about until a picture of Evan and a beautiful white cat with a marked face cuddled up together came through in the window.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow Evan looked different in this photograph than he had in any other Eddie had ever seen of him. He had on a t-shirt and lounge pants as they laid out on the couch, and the grin he wore appeared more genuine than any of the others he’d sported in the pictures on his site. Eddie loved seeing an actual moment from his actual life, not a lighted and posed commodity. He needed more of it.</p><p>“You guys are adorable,” Eddie told him, deciding to use one of the little heart emojis that was available to him in the chat screen.</p><p>“Thanks, he got the looks in our family. I made him a cat tree last weekend, he was pretty stoked about it,” Evan answered.</p><p>“You built it yourself?” Eddie questioned, not expecting that from him.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m happy with the way it came out. It’s 72” and has 3 platforms,” Evan explained before he sent another picture through the screen. He wasn’t in it, but Eddie couldn’t stop the blood in his veins from coursing. It was as though he’d been seeing a different side than was typically showcased on his profile, and it made Eddie crave it all.</p><p>“Wow, it looks like it was made by a professional,” Eddie commented, noting that it did look store-bought.</p><p>“Thank you. Sometimes I make stuff. It took like 3 days. Nothing’s too good for my little man,” Evan boasted and Eddie felt his soul light aflame.</p><p> </p><p>The last, precious fifteen minutes of their session proceeded just the same. Evan told Eddie about how he’d planned to go camping the upcoming weekend and that he was going to make himself a lasagna for dinner because he’d been so busy lately he had been ordering take out more than he liked to do. He told Eddie about needing to do his laundry but being too lazy to motivate himself to do it, and he mentioned a sister with whom he’d made plans to go shooting at the firing range. Eddie was absolutely hooked on knowing every detail about him and when the session was over, he felt himself fiending.</p><p>“Thirty minutes goes by quick when I’m not watching the clock,” Evan told Eddie at the end of their time. “Thanks for the chat, babe. I really enjoyed talking with you.”</p><p>“Me, too, Evan,” Eddie wrote, feeling empty already. “Have a good night.”</p><p>“You, too. Speak soon, I hope,” Evan wrote as his last line before the words “Evan has exited the chat” appeared below it.</p><p>Eddie swiped his palms over his face and through his hair with frustration mounting in his gut. That was the first conversation he’d had in a long time with somebody he was so keen on that left him feeling bustling and tingly inside. But $25 for only thirty minutes was going to be an obstacle that Eddie didn’t know how to bypass. He’d already given more of his check over than he’d planned to do, and there was no way he could keep eating into his living capital the way he’d been. If he picked up more work, he’d have less time. If he gave up all of his money, his family would suffer. But he felt like he may physically perish if he didn’t get to talk to Evan every day.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Until it had been time to go back to work, Eddie kept it to a minimum of one video and no more chats. He picked his favorite workout video and left it at that while he stared at the picture of Evan and Norman that he’d been gifted from their message session. It had quickly become his favorite photo that he’d ever seen even though there was nothing sensual about it. He fumbled to hide his phone away when he’d seen Chimney approaching him as he picked at his breakfast in the kitchen at the firehouse.</p><p>“Hey man, how was your weekend? Maddie and I missed you on Wednesday,” Chimney told him.</p><p>“It was really nice. Chris and I had a lot of fun just chilling around the house. He’s loving vacation almost as much as I love getting to spend some time with him. Maybe you, me and Maddie can get together another night- without her brother?” Eddie said snidely and Chimney blushed.</p><p>“Yeah, you weren’t very subtle,” Eddie told him with a smirk, knowing the motive had been a blind date despite his friend saying the contrary.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t hate me, Eddie, I’m really sorry! You’re just always on your own! Maddie really wants her brother to get to know more people here and she thinks you two would get along well. She has good intentions! I told her you’re kind of chatting with that guy Robert, but it never hurts to meet new people, right?” Chimney started and Eddie shook his head.</p><p>“Look, I appreciate you guys worrying about me, but I’m fine. And anyway, I’m not really talking to Robert anymore. The chemistry just wasn’t there,” Eddie revealed, keeping the other half of the truth under wraps.</p><p>“Oh no? Then what’s the harm in meeting Maddie’s brother, Buck? I think you’d like him, too,” Chimney prodded and Eddie glared at him.</p><p>“No thank you, Chim,” he declined before he scooped up cut strawberries with a spoon so that he could dig into some yogurt.</p><p>“He’s kind of lonely, you’re kind of lonely,” Chimney tried one last time before Eddie gave him a warning scowl.</p><p>“Okay, I’m done,” Chim conceded as he put his hands up and walked over to the fridge to get something to eat. “But if you change your mind, let me know. He’s a sweet kid,” he added quickly.</p><p>“Yeah, so everyone keeps telling me. I’m sure he’s cool or whatever, but I just don’t like the idea of being set up, okay?” Eddie waved his hands and shook his head as he stared at the scattered blueberries in his bowl and thought of Evan’s eyes and how the outsides of his irises sometimes matched the color.</p><p>“I can respect that,” Chim said with defeat.</p><p>“I think I’m just gonna take a break from dating right now.” Eddie prayed that would be enough for everyone to let him off the hook, but he couldn’t imagine that his well-meaning friends would leave it alone. Especially if it had gotten so bad even their girlfriends were constantly trying to set him up.</p><p> </p><p>The summer sun beat hot against the pavement and Eddie wiped his brow while he packed up the medical bag he’d just been using. They’d just finished tending to a minor injury car accident when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. When he read that it had been an email from OnlyFans announcing another live stream from Evan, Eddie felt a pang in his chest. “Come take a bath with me,” it said and showed him a picture of Evan leant against the wall with his legs crossed one over the other at the ankles so that it hid his parts behind his thigh. Beside him was a tub full of bubbles. It was difficult for Eddie to close it out and put the device back into his pocket so that he could continue on with his day.</p><p>It had only been about a week since Eddie had his first proper conversation with Evan, but he was already dying for another one. He’d not purchased anymore videos so that he could save up his money for another talk, and though it seemed impractical, Eddie couldn’t wait for his weekend. He decided to dare a ten minute chat session while he was at work. There was a chance that he wouldn’t even be available at the same time, so Eddie felt foolish for risking it. But he just wanted that surge of molten sugar that pumped him full of infatuation every time he knew that Evan was thinking of him.</p><p>Eddie had barricaded himself inside of one of the dorms so that he could have some privacy, but he felt like his coworkers were growing suspicious. He’d started spending more and more time with his phone and less time present with his team. His sudden affinity for “afternoon naps” had probably raised questions, too. When the invitation he’d received said that Evan would be ready in five minutes, it was like he’d been gearing up to start a race. His adrenaline began to flow and his breath was electrified while the pads of the fingers on his right hand dangled precariously over each key-button on his phone screen while he waited for Evan to enter the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, soldier,” Evan typed as soon as he’d logged in. “I didn’t think I’d be hearing from you again so soon.”</p><p> Eddie was grateful Evan wasn’t able to see him blush. “Hey, Evan. I’ve been thinking about you.”</p><p>“Yeah? You want me to help you out with that?” Evan asked, again steering things back into a sexual realm. Eddie figured he did kind of lead into that with his line, but he really had been thinking about him nonstop since their last talk.</p><p>“I was actually wondering how your camping trip went,” Eddie said factually.</p><p>“Oh really? It was a lot of fun, thanks for asking. The weather was beautiful, got some hiking done, did a little surfing,” Evan told him.</p><p>“Glad you guys had a good time, it sounds like it was relaxing,” Eddie said.</p><p>“It was… and it was just me,” Evan corrected him. “Like a meditation kind of thing, you know?” Eddie had wondered if that was true or if he were lying because he didn’t want to tell him about some boyfriend he’d brought along for the company. He probably had to maintain the illusion that he was single for all of his clients. Eddie felt nauseated at the thought of being merely just a bankroll to him, but he couldn’t be mad at Evan for trying to make a living or choosing the way he wanted to do it when he’d been willing to front the bill.</p><p> </p><p>“So you like to go surfing? My son’s super into it so I have him taking lessons, but I’m a little scared of the water myself,” Eddie shared, feeling suddenly bashful and regretting mentioning that he had a kid. He wasn’t sure about the etiquette when chatting to a cam model about your personal life. He’d not even told Evan his name yet, but that was purely out of shame.</p><p>“You shouldn’t be, it’s an amazing feeling once you get the hang of it,” Evan responded. “I bet your son’s really good, he could probably teach you a thing or two,” he added and Eddie’s eyes grew starry.</p><p>“It’s like you know him,” Eddie wrote.</p><p>“How old is he?” Evan asked. “Actually, I apologize. I never ask for personal details from anyone. You don’t have to answer that,” he tacked on without a gap between the texts.</p><p>“No, don’t worry about it, I love bragging about him and I’ll do it any chance I get. And please don’t hesitate to ask me personal questions. I don’t mind telling you a little bit about me… I think that’s only fair, right? He’s about to be ten, he’s top of his class, and he’s the best thing in my life. His mother’s passed away about a year ago, so we really have to stick together. I don’t know what I’d do without him.” Eddie had to roll his eyes when he realized that Evan probably didn’t care about his son, and was only being attentive because he’d been getting paid to be.</p><p>“I’m really sorry to hear that, but he sounds like a force to be reckoned with. He’s got a good dad, so I’m not too surprised,” Evan complimented and Eddie had to bite his knuckle as he sat curled up in bed.</p><p>“Thank you, I appreciate that you’d say that. It’s kind of hard for me to believe it sometimes,” Eddie said pathetically, but it was astonishingly effortless for him to be vulnerable with Evan despite them having never met.</p><p>“I think a lot of the time it’s hard for us to see the good in ourselves when we feel so bad. I know this is probably condescending since you’re paying for this conversation but please don’t feel like I’m just saying this. You seem like a really decent guy. I obviously don’t know you, but you’re pretty much the only one who’s ever asked me to stay dressed and doesn’t want to dirty talk when you buy a chat,” Evan typed.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel like you have a lot more to offer than what you post online. I want you to know it,” Eddie said, hoping that he didn’t come off like some intense weirdo. From what Evan knew, he was simply some creep who paid to leer at him.</p><p>“Well… since you’re interested… can I show you something I can’t show anyone else?” Evan asked and Eddie’s forehead creased in anticipation.</p><p>When a photo came up in the window, the butterflies in Eddie’s stomach rattled his nerves. Evan’s eyelids were closed and his lashes seemed so long against his cheeks. His lips puckered gently against the end of Norman’s nose while the cat sat opposite him wearing a blue striped bowtie. Seconds later, another photo of Norman curled up in Evan’s pillows with his tie perfectly uniform against his chin while he looked up into the sunlight.</p><p>“I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been dying to show somebody all day and I don’t post Norman on my page so nobody’s seen how handsome he looks,” Evan worried and Eddie felt himself go flush. “I’m just super proud.”</p><p>“He’s very dapper,” Eddie agreed as he grinned to himself. “It would’ve been a crime to let the day end without sharing that.”</p><p> “Thank you for humoring me. He’s the closest I’m getting to a kid for now, you know?” Evan wrote. “He was helping me experiment. I wanted to learn to make macaroons. He’s not much help in the kitchen tho.”</p><p>“How’d it go?”</p><p>“Not bad. They don’t look exactly perfect but they taste good,” Evan answered. “It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. I’m totally gonna try again.”</p><p>“What kind did you choose?”</p><p>“Birthday cake. Like those vanilla cupcakes with the sprinkles inside,” Evan said. “I LOVE those. That’s like, my favorite.” Eddie found it precious that he would feel the need to elaborate until it dawned on him what he’d written. It had to have been a happy coincidence that Hen had branded him that same flavor. It couldn’t have been any sort of sign or forecast.</p><p> </p><p>“I like those, too,” Eddie managed to type back.</p><p>“I love sweets so much that sometimes I just have cereal for dinner. This is basically why I have to work out all the time. Luckily this job lets me do that as much as I need to and get paid for it.” Evan had a point, but Eddie was interested in what he’d wanted out of his life.</p><p>“What job would you want to do if you had a regular one?” Eddie asked him.</p><p>“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I’d wanna learn to be a pilot or something like that so I could see the world, but I feel like I would go crazy during the actual flight part. I actually kind of hate flying, too. And I hate being stuck indoors. I basically stay inside all day long most of the time by myself. It’s great for my content, but mentally I’m losing it.” Evan sent the message before he started typing out another.</p><p>“I thought it would be really cool be a firefighter or something like that you know? Something where I get to do some badass shit and satisfy my daredevil side, but I would also get to make a difference and help people,” Evan wrote and the color drained from Eddie’s face. “I’ve always wanted a job where I’m doing something important, so I can feel like I’m being useful in my life. I don’t know if I could handle it though.”</p><p>“That’s kind of why I started doing this,” Evan entered after that. “It makes me feel like I’m kind of important when people are waiting to see what I post. I get to pretend like I matter, I guess… it makes me feel good about myself,” Evan typed. Eddie wondered if that was how he’d learned to see it or if that’s how he’d always genuinely viewed it.</p><p> </p><p>He contemplated whether or not he should tell Evan that he was a member of the LAFD. Eddie felt like maybe he would think he were lying for benefit of their paid interaction, or perhaps to impress him. Either way, he chose not to say anything because he was that afraid of getting too specific.</p><p>“Your houseplants and the love you have for your cat show that you know how to care for things and value living creatures. That’s half the job already,” Eddie reasoned. “You’re in impeccable shape like you’d have to be. Throw in the fact that you’re brave enough to do what you’re currently doing, I think you have a good shot at it.”</p><p>“You’re too kind to me,” Evan posted, with a blushy face.</p><p>“How long have you been posting here?” Eddie realized he’d never thought to see how far back Evan’s videos had gone.</p><p>“Since the start of the year,” Evan answered, and suddenly Eddie was fixated on everything he’d done up to that point. He wanted to know his life story, but their time was always so limited and quickly running out. There was no way to know how much of what Evan told him had been the truth. Realistically, Eddie still didn’t know who he was inside despite his intimate knowledge of the outside. But everything he’d said seemed so genuine that he couldn’t believe he’d been lied to.</p><p> </p><p>“What got you into this?” Eddie ventured.</p><p>“Money, of course,” Evan answered as though it should’ve been obvious. Maybe it should’ve been, but Evan seemed so sweet for somebody only interested in the money.</p><p>“My parents cut me off when I dropped out of college a while back so I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to live like an adult for a few years now. I’m not very good at it, but I got tired of being stuck in a huge house with a bunch of guys who didn’t know how to clean up after themselves or take care of anything. I never felt at home there and I wanted my own place. But I’m kind of stubborn and I have problems with authority and discipline, or so I’ve been told.” Evan began to type another line and Eddie looked at the timer on his watch.</p><p>“I don’t keep regular jobs well, and I tend to get fired a lot because I act before I think and talk shit. I just have some strong opinions, and they happen to be opposing most of the time,” Evan relayed and somehow it didn’t shock Eddie. Based off the coy confidence Evan exhibited in his videos, he could’ve guessed that Evan was the type of person he’d described himself to be. He seemed a little sassy and troublesome.</p><p>“That’s terrible about your parents, I’m sorry,” Eddie wrote back, wishing to know every detail about them but being shy to ask when Evan had already volunteered so much. “But it sounds like you’ve found something that works for you.”</p><p>“Yeah for now… I’m a little freaked out for when I start getting too old for it tho,” Evan admitted. “I know I can’t do this forever so I’m just kind of saving as much money as I can and trying to figure out what to do next. I guess I should be thanking you for asking me about it because it’s totally something I need to think about.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you ever wanted to go back to college?” Eddie wondered.</p><p>“I have,” Evan entered before tapping out another line. “I know that’s what my parents want. But I don’t know if I’m cut out for school. I didn’t really do that well when I was there before. Business and numbers and desks and suits… It’s not my kinda life. If my parents had gotten their wish I’d be ranking E-7 by now, and I’m not gonna do that either.”</p><p>Eddie tried not to feel like a giddy teenager when Evan had used a military term with him. It seemed like a way to connect them, but it also gave him an idea about Evan’s upbringing. A ranking that high for somebody so young would’ve taken an incredible amount of work and a spotlessly exemplary track record while in service. It seemed like he’d been put under a lot of pressure.</p><p>“They expected a lot from you?” Eddie speculated.</p><p>“Let’s just say I think they’d disown me if they knew about my current line of work. But they’ve been looking for an excuse to do it for a while anyways,” Evan elaborated. “I swear I thought they were going to after the college thing. Then again when I told them that I started working at In-N-Out. I only used that as my cover story because they pay like, a stupid amount of money… but it’s also kind of not exactly a total lie, right?”</p><p>Eddie couldn’t help but laugh. And he’s witty, he thought.</p><p>“My parents didn’t let me watch tv or read comic books or play videogames and stuff when I was a kid, so I’m kind of making up for it now with all this free time and liquid cash. The only thing I’ve learned is that I really wanna be Superman.”</p><p>“A firefighter’s about as close as you can get,” said Eddie.</p><p>“You’re probably right,” Evan replied.</p><p>“And it would make your parents proud,” Eddie included.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re not like you,” Evan said. “I bet you tell your son you’re proud of him all the time, don’t you?”</p><p>“I do, I think it’s important that he knows… He has limitations but I want him to feel fearless to try every day. I want him to feel supported,” Eddie wrote.</p><p>“That’s probably how he’s got the nerve to go out surfing at ten years old. I was so sheltered and scared when I was a kid I never would’ve done something like that so young. He sounds like a badass,” Evan commented, and Eddie’s breath stopped as though he were being smothered by warm honey. The fact that Evan felt comfortable enough to talk more about Christopher made Eddie feel like he trusted him. And maybe there was a shot that Evan didn’t only see him as a “client”, but more as a friend.</p><p>“I can’t wait to be a father someday, between you and me,” Evan typed after that and Eddie dissolved.</p><p> The last couple minutes of their session seemed to fly by as Evan let Eddie brag about Christopher until their time was up. They said goodbye like they did the last time, only this time it was more difficult to close the window out and leave the conversation behind him. Wishing he could go back in time to opt for the thirty or forty-five minute session, Eddie sulked the rest of the evening when they wouldn’t get another call all night. He should’ve been thankful for the quiet; it meant nobody was in trouble. But Eddie was going insane sitting around, so he suited up to go down to the gym to let it out rather than trying to get any sleep. Every time he tried to settle down his phone would lay beside him, begging for him to visit Evan’s page.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the UFC fight mentioned in this chapter isn't real and never happened and isn't ever going to happen as of this moment i'm publishing this, just used it as a lil easter egg for the beef going on with that.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It hadn’t been Eddie’s intention, but slowly over time he’d started to scale back his video consumption. Instead he’d started purchasing forty-five minute sessions on all of his off days so that he and Evan could get to know each other even better without fear of him having to leave on a call. Their talks always seemed so innate that it was easy for Eddie to ignore the fact that they still didn’t really know each other. He’d still not told Evan about his job at the firehouse or even his real name and normally that would’ve been weird to him, even given the circumstances of their meeting. But they had been talking nearly four months and Evan knew basically everything else about him. Eddie felt like he knew a great deal about Evan.</p><p>The fact that those major details were missing didn’t make it seem less like they were building an actual relationship. Of course, every time Evan would post another x-rated video, it slapped Eddie in the face how stupid a thought that had actually been.  But he loved to fantasize that Evan knew how much he truly did care for him despite all the barriers that should’ve made it unlikely. The best part of Eddie’s day had always been when he’d gotten to chat with him. This meant he’d been reluctant to accept an invitation to watch a UFC fight on one of his free nights when Chimney had extended it.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s gonna be Friday night, luckily we actually have it off. Everyone is confirmed as coming; hopefully that means you, too?” Chim said as he tried to persuade Eddie.</p><p>“Does everyone include Maddie’s brother, too? Or have you got someone else lined up?” Eddie accused him and Chimney looked as though he were deeply offended.</p><p>“Edmundo, please,” he said. “I know I’ve maybe given you a little bit of flack in the past, but you told me to stop, and I’ve stopped, right? Haven’t I stopped? Now, listen… I can’t be held responsible for Maddie, okay? Her brother <em>is </em>going to be there, but I already told her to lay off. I swear if she introduces you it’s only her being polite if you two cross paths. But she’ll probably make it so that you two cross paths,” Chimney warned.</p><p>“You know I’ll come, but only because I wanna see McGregor kick Jake Paul’s ass,” Eddie said, giving into the fact that he was finally gonna have to meet this guy.</p><p>“He’s pretty cool, Eddie. And I don’t even care, I’ll say this; he’s a good looking guy,” Chimney said, trying to make Eddie feel better about it.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I’m just interested in the fight.” Eddie sighed when he realized that he kind of didn’t want to go after all.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t just because of Maddie’s brother. Eddie had pretty much begun avoiding every potential partner when out in the real world. He’d gotten flirted with nonstop since he’d started brimming with confidence from the way talking to somebody he’d grown to like made him feel. But he’d never been interested in anybody else. Nobody struck him quite the same or took the breath from his lungs the way Evan did.</p><p>Standing in front of the mirror while he got ready to drop Christopher with Carla then go to the grocery store and pick up a 12-pack, Eddie didn’t feel the urgency to go out.  He’d realized he’d stacked his errands to delay the inevitable and he took his time at the liquor section only to settle on Modelo before he had to accept that he could dawdle no more. Eddie made his way across town and tried not to think about what Evan might be doing at the moment or if he was wondering where he’d been. Typically Eddie would do his chat session while Christopher was on Xbox Live with his friends playing Rocket League so that he’d be guaranteed that forty-five minutes. It was just about that time and Eddie had been pulling up to Chimney’s instead.</p><p>The front door had been unlocked so Eddie made his way inside and set the beer onto the countertop, feeling Bobby clap his back when he did.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Chim said you might not make it out,” Bobby said.</p><p>“Ha, yeah, well, I’m here… I can’t resist a good match up,” Eddie shrugged. “I’m surprised you’re inside, I figured you’d be outside manning the grill, Cap.”</p><p>“I was, I’m actually just in here grabbing some spicy mustard, and a beer for Maddie’s brother, Buck. He’s taken over for me while I’m in the house,” Bobby let Eddie know as he nodded in the direction of the back sliding glass doors. Eddie could see the grill through the panes and behind it, looking down at the food cooking on the surface, stood Maddie’s brother, Buck. Bobby went to the fridge to grab the mustard and the beer and Eddie clutched the countertop as his knees gave out on him.</p><p>They had met before, in a way, and Eddie never would’ve imagined it could be true. The pieces seemed to line up the more Eddie worked to process it. Maddie had a younger brother, Evan had an older sister. Chimney had told him that Maddie was from Hershey, Pennsylvania, and Evan had told Eddie he’d been born in Philadelphia. Maddie had been a nurse in the past, and Eddie knew that Evan’s sister worked as a nurse when he was at UPenn; he’d specifically mentioned meeting her at the hospital when he’d decided to drop out. He didn’t know if Buck had an actual first name, but knew that Maddie’s last name was Buckley. It would’ve been the most inconceivable coincidence if it hadn’t been a nickname.</p><p>Suddenly the room was like an oven and Eddie had lost the feeling in his fingertips as he clamped the granite and tried not to collapse. As Bobby slid the patio door open so that he could go back out and Buck looked up, there could’ve been no mistake. Eddie knew it was Evan, he would’ve recognized that smile anywhere. He’d stared at it enough. Rather than go outside and finally realize his dream of seeing Evan in the flesh, Eddie felt like the only thing he could do was run. The only person that had spoken with him was Bobby, and if anyone else had seen him Eddie decided that it didn’t matter. He only knew that he had to leave that house.</p><p> </p><p>As he drove home in a cold sweat, Eddie cursed himself out for being so immature and completely ruining his opportunity to meet the only man who’d stoked his fire so hot. He couldn’t tell Chimney how he knew Evan, or Buck, or whatever he should call him from that point on. Evan wouldn’t even know him if they met- Eddie had never shown him a picture of his face. He’d never told him his name, or even described himself; and Evan couldn’t have a clue that Eddie and Chimney were coworkers. The only thing Eddie knew to do was to break off all communications with Evan, and try to avoid Buck at all costs. There wasn’t any way he would be able to escape Chim, though. After Eddie had cracked one of the beers he’d had at home in his fridge, his phone started to ring on the counter top .</p><p>“Eddie, what the hell? Bobby said you were here, but then you just left right away without saying anything?”</p><p>“Yeah, Chim, I’m really sorry. Carla called, Chris had a little stomach bug or something so I had to go pick him up, I’m sorry again. I was gonna text you once I got it all sorted out.” Eddie hated lying, but he had no idea how to handle such a crisis. It had been impressive that he’d managed as well as he’d done.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, I hope the little guy’s doing better,” Chimney apologized and Eddie ended the conversation so that there wouldn’t be any more questions.</p><p>Eddie desperately begged for strength while he laid in the dark in his bedroom trying to get some rest before he had to go retrieve Christopher from Carla’s custody.</p><p> </p><p>It was gut-wrenching the amount of secrecy Eddie had started to live under, and without Evan to distract him he had no choice but to feel every bit of the weight. His days seemed long and even when he’d gotten to spend time with Chirstopher, Eddie felt so lonely. That percolating joy that welled in his chest whenever he thought about him hadn’t gone away. He still looked at pictures that had been sent just for him- the ones of Evan and Norman together and one that he had shown him from when he’d buzzed all of his hair off. There was no way to stop from thinking of their conversations and how he’d looked forward to hearing about what new thing Evan had been researching that week, or what new recipe he’d tried or wanted to try. He even sat patiently entertaining him when Evan would tell him about history conspiracies and trivia that would’ve bored him from anyone else.</p><p>The only positive thing to come of this new way of life had been the money sitting still in his account. It had been a good excuse for Eddie to decide to splurge and treat Christopher to a day at Disneyland. While they stood in line waiting for Indiana Jones, Eddie’s phone started to rumble in his pocket. Expecting that it might be Carla changing her mind about meeting them, Eddie was apprehensive to see an email from OnlyFans. When he saw that it was from Evan, he choked back his anxiety and clicked on the link to open the chat window.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, you. I hope this isn’t out of line, and I’m really sorry if it is… I just noticed you haven’t been around in a few weeks. Hoping everything’s okay,” Evan had written, and then sent another message. “Please let me know if you’d prefer to stop talking with me, I totally wouldn’t take it personally.” The messages had come through a couple minutes before. Eddie knew there was an absolute certainty he’d still be online and wondered if he should entertain the notion since Evan was giving him another free session, and seemed to have been missing him. Or should he continue to pretend that he had no idea about his secret life and how deceptive it would be if they kept talking now that Eddie had breached his privacy. Then it hit him that Evan could just be missing the cash that Eddie had to fork over each time they spoke.</p><p>Apart from the reservations, there was no logical reason for him to pass up the opportunity to let that light to trickle back into his life. He started to construct an entry. “Everything’s good,” Eddie lied. “Just needing to save a little money. You’re an expensive habit,” he joked ironically.</p><p>“Oh. I’m glad to know it’s nothing serious,” Evan wrote back instantly. “You know… for a nice guy like you, I have a few minutes. If you’re interested,” he offered.</p><p>“I appreciate it, but I’m actually out right now with my son. We’re doing something fun together because he’s been so good in school since he’s started back up.” Eddie felt good to talk to him again, but wanted to keep things on the shorter side for the sake of his self control.</p><p>“Sounds like you’re having a great day. But you’re saying you’re still open to talking with me when you’re not busy and if it was less expensive?” Evan asked, and Eddie had to wonder what exactly that meant. Then he had to decide how he wanted to respond. If he wanted to break things off, Evan was giving him a clear and open lead in.</p><p> </p><p>This was never meant to turn into anything anyway. Eddie was looking for something real and attainable. He’d never wanted to compete or have to compensate to earn affection. Somehow knowing that Evan was an ordinary person with a family and a story that he could conceivably reach if he would only ask made him feel worse about it. Despite the little voice inside his head telling him what an idiotic idea it had been to keep this up, Eddie decided he would always be able to monitor it to his terms until he figured out what to do about the delicacy of it all.</p><p>“Of course,” Eddie told him. “It’s always a pleasure.”</p><p>“Well if you really mean that, can I give you my phone number? You can just text me whenever you feel like it?” Evan typed and as soon as he read it, Eddie panicked.</p><p>He wasn’t sure if that would’ve been the best thing to happen to him or a huge mistake waiting to crash down on his head. Before his brain could intervene, his heart forced his digits to write, “I’d love that.”</p><p>Once Eddie had copied the number and made sure to save it into a new contact right away, he said a quick farewell and closed out the chat window as they moved up in the line. The ride was not enough to shake the nerves from his veins as Eddie thought about the fact that the ball was in his court now. He had the power to either text him or not text him. While he wanted to do just that, Eddie still didn’t know how to bring up their common links. He felt sinful talking to him with his secret exposed and Eddie’s details still in the shadows. It felt like instead of being just a client who wasn’t getting personal, Eddie was lying to him and it wasn’t right.</p><p> </p><p>The number sat saved in his phone because Eddie didn’t have the guts to use it. He let his life go on without that sprinkle of sunshine that he’d grown so used to and tried to forget about how much he’d truly come to love talking to Evan. And how much he missed it when it was gone. As perceptive a kid as Christopher always had been, he’d taken notice that his dad wasn’t feeling very well and had started to try and cheer him up in his own ways. He and Carla made Eddie breakfast in bed one morning, and when Eddie came in to get him up for school, he was already dressed and straightening up his bedroom.  </p><p>“Wow, kiddo, this is amazing. It’s almost like I’m still in bed dreaming!” Eddie teased him as he came in and crouched beside him while he sorted his Legos into bins according to size.</p><p>“I want you to be happy, dad,” Christopher told him.</p><p>“You cleaning up your room makes me very happy, Christopher,” Eddie confirmed as he ruffled his hair.</p><p>“You can come and borrow my computer now if you need to,” Christopher offered, and Eddie narrowed his eyes.</p><p>“That’s really thoughtful of you, Chris, but I have a laptop that’s for me. This computer’s just for you, remember? We picked it out special because it’s got all your games and school programs on it.”</p><p>“But you don’t use yours anymore,” Christopher pointed out and Eddie’s heart actually stopped for a moment. “And I thought that’s why you’ve been sad lately.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie tried to button up the meltdown that had started to set in. Had he really been spending so much time on his laptop that Christopher had connected the dots between the amount of usage and his dad’s new constant state of morose?</p><p>“Christopher… did you know I love how considerate and observant you are?” was all Eddie could manage to say. He’d been lying to himself, Chimney, Hen, Carla, Peppa and Abeula whenever anybody would question him about his deteriorating mood. It had become exhausting, and he didn’t want to add Christopher to the list.</p><p>“Chris, can I talk to you about something?” Eddie hadn’t meant to be so melodramatic about it, but he figured that while he had Chris on the subject of his father’s happiness, it was a good time to broach the subject of a potential new person in their lives.</p><p>“We are talking, dad,” Christopher answered sharply and Eddie laughed.</p><p>“Yeah, we are… And it’s fun right? Just the two of us…?” Eddie struggled to find a casual segue, but felt his minutes running out as Christopher was on a timeline to be at school.</p><p>“Yeah,” Christopher agreed.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think it would still be fun if I found someone new to come and play with us? Like… if I made a new friend?” Eddie asked.</p><p>“Like a girlfriend?” Christopher wondered, and Eddie couldn’t help the smile that spread across his cheeks.</p><p>“Yeah, like a girlfriend… But what if it was a boy? Would you be okay with that?” Eddie felt stupid the moment the words left him. It wasn’t like he’d had somebody lined up. Even if he and Evan hadn’t stopped talking, they were in no way a couple so it probably wasn’t necessary to bring up the concept.</p><p>“Does he like Legos?” Christopher asked finally.</p><p>“I hope so, bud,” Eddie laughed as he patted Christopher’s back. “I know he likes comic books, and videogames, and he likes to paint like you and me.” Eddie stopped himself when he realized he was describing somebody who Chris would probably never meet.</p><p>“I’d make sure he liked a lot of the same things you like so that we would all get along,” Eddie said, correcting himself.</p><p>“Then I would think he was okay,” Christopher replied with a shrug.</p><p>When they got into the kitchen for breakfast and Christopher took his seat at the table with the bowl of Froot Loops that Eddie had poured for him, it took his father off guard when he said, “Can he make pancakes with the chocolate chips like Carla does?”</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The last call they’d received for the night had been a couple who’d gotten themselves stranded all so that they could fool around in the backseat of the guy’s car. They’d met on Tinder but both still lived at home so they thought that it would be romantic to drive down onto Malibu Beach for a little private time. Unfortunately, a 2003 Toyota Prius hadn’t exactly been the car to use and it got stuck in the sand when they’d tried to escape the rising tide. When the water welled up on them and the car started to bob out to sea with them inside, they panicked and called for help.</p><p>It was an easy enough rescue for the 118, but once they’d gotten back to dry land and the lovers knew they would survive this most traumatic event, they went wild on each other. While Hen, Chimney, Bobby, and practically everyone else ooh’d and aww’d, it kind of broke Eddie’s heart instead to watch them so ravenous and in love after their near death experience. He’d just had a near death experience, too- yet he didn’t have anyone to make out with.</p><p> </p><p>“Wasn’t that the cutest?” Hen commented after they’d gotten back to the firehouse and everyone was hanging out to see if another call would come through before they all might try and get some rest.</p><p>“Sickeningly so,” Chimney agreed and took his phone out.</p><p>“I love young love. When it’s fresh and new and everything is perfect and you’re so happy-” Hen started before Chimney began to laugh.</p><p>“Hey, sometimes you don’t have to be young to feel that kind of love,” he said. “Every day I find a cute little picture to send to Maddie and I tell her how much she means to me. I’m finding one right now, in fact. It’s gonna have to be emailed because she’s totally asleep right now, but she’ll get it first thing in the morning. And I’ll probably send her another one then.”</p><p>“Awe, see, now that’s cute. I just usually send Karen flowers at work randomly or something… I think I should probably do that tomorrow morning. I can’t remember the last time I did.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie sat back and opened a La Croix while he watched them chat about their perfect relationships. The jealous sting that pierced him all the way through and the fact that he had nothing to contribute drove him to want to stay out of the discussion. He had been sitting on Evan’s phone number for just about a month because every time he started to rehearse a message it came out wrong. It had been his wish that Evan would message him again one more time, so that he would have to reply rather than being forced to start the conversation. But he never did.</p><p>Given the chance that he could run into Buck at any time, Eddie had avoided every request go out anywhere from either Hen or Chimney. The one exception had been that Bobby’s wife Athena had been throwing him a birthday party at their house, and everyone at the station had been asked to come.</p><p> </p><p>“Christopher was really grateful to receive the invite, thank you,” Eddie said as Chris, Harry, and Denny began to make their way down to Harry’s bedroom. “He’s so excited to sleep over with the boys.”</p><p>“Absolutely, we love having him,” Athena said as she leaned into a welcoming hug. “You know every event we throw is a family affair.”</p><p>“And, uh, where is the man of the hour?” Eddie wondered as he scanned the living room and didn’t see Bobby anywhere.</p><p>“Where else? He insisted on being the one who’s doing all of the cooking despite me trying to beat him out of there with a cast iron pan,” Athena chuckled as they began to walk around to the kitchen. “He’s even got himself a protégé now.”</p><p>“Eddie!” Maddie practically screamed as she caught sight of him. “Eddie, hey! Come here, I want you to meet my brother, Buck.”</p><p>Eddie’s pulse came to a screeching halt as he watched Maddie squeeze Evan around the middle while he gulped and turned every shade of red there was. A glass of wine teetered between the fingers of her other hand and she took a sip while she raised her eyebrows when she looked Eddie’s way.</p><p> </p><p>“Bobby has been harassing this boy since that fight at Chimney’s house- he’s trying to get him to join up with the department,” Athena said smugly.</p><p>“Nothing wrong with trying to recruit for my team,” Bobby argued.</p><p>“And you need a grown up job, Buck, you’re almost 30 years old,” Maddie interjected. “And I thiiink you’ll be happy to know that Eddie here actually works with Bobby and Chimney at the fire station!”</p><p>Maddie came around the counter and grabbed Eddie by the wrist when he couldn’t move a muscle after catching sight of Evan and Bobby shoulder to shoulder. Everything seemed to blur together as he was being stood in front of Evan so that he had to look up just a little into his eyes. He noticed that he took a step back so they weren’t standing so close and Eddie had been grateful. If they’d been any closer he would’ve felt his heart thumping through his ribcage.</p><p>They both breathed in a tense hesitation for a moment without saying anything to one another until Maddie attempted to nudge Buck back in. He didn’t allow himself to move and Eddie looked down at the ground, studying the white shoes he wore with high tops that edged the hem of his tight black jeans.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice to meet you, Eddie,” he mumbled finally when Maddie prodded his kidneys with her knuckles.</p><p>“You, too,” Eddie muttered as he gathered the courage to look at him again.</p><p>“Why don’t you go show Eddie where we’re keeping the coats, Buck?” Maddie suggested in a bubbly tone as she grinned.</p><p>He nodded and turned around so that Eddie could follow him down the hallway to Bobby and Athena’s bedroom. When they’d reached the destination, Evan walked in and flipped the light on but Eddie stopped short just before he went over the threshold.</p><p>“So that wasn’t awkward or anything,” Evan finally said and Eddie let the breath he’d been holding gradually sift its way out.</p><p>“I’m sorry-” Eddie started to say at the same time as Evan began to talk, so he shut himself up to listen.</p><p>“My sister’s really pushy sometimes. She’s been trying to get us to meet for a while now,” he said as Eddie finally stepped inside and started to take his coat off to add to the pile on the bed.</p><p>“Yeah, Chimney’s told me…” Eddie trailed off, not sure what else to say. The words percolating in his vocabulary wanted to tell Evan that he thought he’d been in love with him already and wanted to leave the party so that they could be alone together at last. He’d already been pining so long and he may implode if he had to wait any longer to taste him. The amount of times he’d thought about making him cum him was embarrassing. None of these topics were suitable.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure you’re a great guy, Eddie, but I wanna be honest with you; I’m not really looking to be set up right now,” Evan said quietly.</p><p>Eddie deflated just a little bit. He didn’t want it to happen this way either- but if Evan wasn’t even interested, then what did it matter? “Yeah, well, I don’t blame you,” Eddie answered stiffly.</p><p>“It’s nothing to do with you,” Evan rushed out. “You’re actually… not the worst guy they could’ve picked for me but-” he kept from finishing his thought and Eddie could only blink in nervous anticipation.</p><p>“There’s no need to spare my feelings. I’m not necessarily accustomed to blind dates, either,” Eddie said, trying to make it seem like he didn’t certainly feel crushed and embarrassed.</p><p>“It’s… kind of stupid actually,” Evan laughed. The sound had Eddie biting the inside of his cheek to keep his eyes from morphing into gigantic doe saucers fixed in a loving gaze like one of those creepy little Precious Moments dolls. His dimples were even more amazing in person. Eddie couldn’t stop staring at the spots above his eyebrow where he’d imagined on too many occasions kissing him goodnight every night for the rest of his life.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Eddie asked.</p><p>“I was sorta talking to somebody,” Evan explained and Eddie tilted his head while he crossed his arms. “But he basically ghosted me recently. When I told Maddie about it she got obsessed with setting us up again.”</p><p>“What happened? If you don’t mind,” Eddie instigated. There could have been no possible way that Evan had been talking about him, but he had to find out for sure.</p><p>“It makes me sound pretty pathetic,” Evan pouted. “But I liked this guy, and I thought he liked me… we were talking for a while and I thought we were getting along well. I kind of thought it was getting a little serious…” Evan trailed off with a forlorn look on his face as he leant against the dresser behind him.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyway, I guess he didn’t feel the same way. I shouldn’t really be too floored or anything, we kind of… met on a dating app,” Evan said carefully. </p><p>“You really liked him?” Eddie asked, trying not to sound so dopey and excited as he felt.</p><p>Evan’s grin illuminated the room and Eddie’s darkened heart with it. He fidgeted with his hands in front of himself as he stared at the carpet beneath his shoes and he took a deep breath before he said, “I’m sorry to lay all this on you… We should probably get back to the party or else Maddie’s gonna start thinking her brilliant scheme worked and I’ll never hear the end of it.”</p><p>When Evan turned around and started to walk past him out of the room, Eddie noticed his cell phone jutting out of the back pocket in his pants. Of course he’d been looking at his ass, but it gave him an idea. He grabbed his coat off of the bed and rifled through the pocket until he was able to get his own device into his hands and open up the message screen.</p><p>“Was your inconsiderate ghost usernamed GIJoe87?” Eddie typed quickly and he addressed it to Evan before hitting send.</p><p>Feeling that he may vomit, Eddie let himself down at the foot of the bed. When he saw Evan come back into the room and lean up against the door frame, he could do nothing but furiously blush and grind his hands against his thighs while he looked up bashfully. Evan held his phone up so that Eddie could see it before he turned it back to himself and read the screen without a word.</p><p> </p><p> “I just got this text,” Evan said slowly as Eddie bowed his head in shame. “And I’m wondering if I call this number back right now… is your phone gonna ring?”</p><p>“Would you be okay with it if it did?” Eddie croaked, watching his lungs heave in front of him as he cowered.</p><p>“It’s really you?” Evan asked him softly as he knelt in front of him so that he could catch his stare since Eddie couldn’t find the strength to lift his chin.</p><p>Eddie nodded his head in short, strangled bursts and could feel his cheeks burning hot.</p><p>“Why did you stop talking to me?” Evan whispered as he leaned in so that his collarbones were millimeters from Eddie’s kneecaps.</p><p>“When I saw you at the fight at Chimney’s house, I freaked out,” Eddie blurted out. “I didn’t want to ruin things between us because I- I was… I felt like I had really fallen for you. But every time I saw you online after that… I chickened out. I didn’t know what to say to you or how to tell you the truth. So I tried to wait until I’d feel better about it or until I could find the right words, but I never-” Eddie was forced to give up on his excuse when Evan cupped his face in both hands and leveled him against the mattress with his strength.</p><p>Eddie felt so overwhelmed that it was a few beats before he was able to catch up to what was happening. Evan’s weight on top of him was so divinely suffocating. Their firm pecs pressed together sent chills through his bones and Eddie wrapped one arm around his waist and raised the other so that he could rake his fingers through Evan’s hair. He let himself get lost in the moment before he turned the tables and flipped them over.</p><p> </p><p>Evan spread his legs and straddled him between them as Eddie climbed on top to attack his lips. He smelled so good and they fit like they’d been made to lie together. Eddie couldn’t remember the last time it felt organic to be with somebody. And Evan definitely knew how to make out. Eddie wasn’t sure what was going to happen when they rejoined the party, but he knew he’d not be present with their friends even if they’d be forced to stay there. Remembering the fact that they were currently starting to feel each other up in his boss’s bed, Eddie scrambled from Evan’s hold with much difficulty.</p><p>“We probably shouldn’t let this get any hotter while we’re in this room,” Eddie urged. “Maybe we can take it somewhere else?”</p><p>“We’re just gonna leave together after knowing each other five minutes? They think we’re strangers! What are we gonna tell everyone?” Evan brought up a valid point that Eddie couldn’t be bothered to think about. The only thing on his mind was getting Evan alone in a place where it would be okay for them to get familiar as long as they wanted to.</p><p>“I dunno… let’s tell them that it worked. We like each other, and they were right,” Eddie suggested lazily, feeling that their actual story wasn’t one they should share with their family and friends.</p><p>“Do you know what that’s gonna do to my sister? She’s gonna think she has the right to run my life until I die, Eddie,” Evan whined as he threw his head back into the pile of coats beneath him. Eddie was too smitten by how darling he looked when he was having a tantrum and how surreal it felt to hear him use his name in conversation.</p><p>“Well, technically they were right. We do like each other,” Eddie smirked before he extended his hand to help him up.</p><p> </p><p>It felt like magic when their palms came together and Eddie pulled him into a gentle kiss. He felt Evan smile against him before he had to acquiesce. “Yeah, I guess you’re right… Can you imagine if we’d just met each other when they wanted us to?”</p><p>“Mmm, yeah, we wouldn’t have had to go through all that suffering and anguish,” Eddie recalled somewhat bitterly. Even though he would’ve had to repair his pride, he could’ve been doing it with Evan by his side this entire time.</p><p>“Would you wanna go back to my place?” Evan asked as he ran both hands up Eddie’s back so that he could pull him close. “I could make us some dinner?”</p><p>It didn’t seem the most opportune occasion for Evan and Christopher to meet. It only made Eddie more enamored when he completely agreed. Luckily for Eddie, Chris had been lined up to spend the night with Harry and Denny. Evan went to talk to Maddie while Eddie went into Harry’s bedroom to tell Chris to have fun and that he’d be picking him up the next day. It was a little humiliating how everyone knew that they were going to leave together, but Eddie didn’t much care as he practically dragged Evan out to his truck eagerly.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When they got to his apartment, Eddie had to push himself to breathe correctly as they held hands the entire journey up the walkway and into the building. The moment they’d gotten into the stairwell Evan grabbed Eddie by the collar of his jacket and enveloped him completely. Eddie reached his hands beneath Evan’s coat and t-shirt to run his bare touch along Evan’s abs while they lapped at one another insatiably and they started to pull each other in sync step by step. They scaled every flight joined at the tongue, but when they’d gotten to Evan’s welcome mat and he’d swung the door open, Eddie froze in his tracks.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” Evan asked after he’d ushered himself all the way in but realized he’d been the only one.</p><p>Even from the hallway, Eddie recognized every angle immediately from the videos. Everything looked exactly as it always had and it felt like he’d been stepping into a dream when he was able to work up the nerve to persevere inside. It produced the same sensation he’d always gotten when he’d go back to his childhood home in Texas after a long break from visiting. Evan’s loft seemed like a place that he knew so well but had somehow forgotten and it felt good to see it again. He felt like he should pinch himself when it dawned on him that he was actually there.</p><p> “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be here with you,” said Eddie.</p><p>“Well… I know I didn’t exactly know that it was <em>you</em>, but so have I. I’ve always wondered what you looked like,” Evan revealed as he brushed Eddie’s hair back with an amiable swipe. “I wondered what your voice sounded like, and what color your eyes were, and if you had a body like this fucking body you have.” Evan glossed over Eddie’s torso as he herded him into the dining area while he stripped the coat from his arms at the same time. Eddie let it fall to the ground with a faint plop.</p><p>“I wondered if you would be such a good kisser, and if you’d like me as much as I like you,” Evan continued as they groped at each other with clumsy enthusiasm. “I hoped you’d be everything that you are.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you’re not disappointed?” Eddie double-checked as Evan peeled his own outer layer before they locked again.</p><p>“I have no complaints,” Evan reassured him as he laced their hands and pulled Eddie toward the kitchen area.</p><p>When he spun around Eddie pressed his chest to Evan’s back and watched as he opened the refrigerator and looked inside. He liked the fact that Evan was just a fraction taller than he was. He liked how big and solid he felt against him. Though they’d only just physically met, Eddie felt more comfortable with Evan than he’d been in a long time with anyone. He dropped unmapped pecks from shoulder blade to tricep as Evan reached out and grabbed a few things from the shelves. Eddie copied the little twist he had to perform to set the items on the counter beside him and matched his movement when he leaned back down to pull two beers from the door slot they’d been sitting in.</p><p>Taking one in his grasp when Evan grazed his hand with it, Eddie found it physically impossible to release him and he simply held on without making to open it as he clasped his wrists around Evan’s waist. As he shuffled toward the range, Eddie glommed behind him like a possum dangling from its mother and reveled in the feeling when his body quaked just a little as Evan laughed. He’d not been able to enjoy the touch of another human being in so long. It made his head spin that he was having every one of his needs met by the one person he’d wished for every night before the moon lulled him off to sleep.</p><p>“I never wanna let you go,” Eddie purred against the nape of his neck and Evan turned to him so that he could nuzzle his cheek into his hair.</p><p> </p><p>Evan was a good sport as he worked in confinement while Eddie clutched him tightly when he started cooking. He could feel the blush emanating the whole time Evan stood at the counter plucking kale from its stalk into a large colander. Eddie had noticed that Evan had selected a mostly-used head of garlic from a basket beside the fridge and he took it into his fingers, starting to shed the film from the outside. He set each clove onto the counter top as he shelled them while he sucked at Evan’s neck the whole time. He loved how breathless it made him and the way it could be so intimate without feeling sexual.</p><p>“Can you do me a favor?” Evan asked.</p><p>“Anything.”</p><p>“The pantry’s on the other side of the room, would you grab some pasta from it, please?” Evan requested and Eddie had to pry himself away to comply.</p><p>“Are you making me macaroni and cheese right now?” Eddie teased as he pulled the only pasta he found from the pantry.</p><p>“Uh, no,” Evan pouted, sounding sarcastically offended as he shut the fridge with his hip and tossed a package of bacon onto the counter top. “You’re obviously holding spaghetti.”</p><p>“Spaghetti and cheese?” Eddie reiterated and it melted him every time when Evan always laughed at his ridiculous dad jokes. He’d imagined how his face would glow up as he sat behind his laptop when they would chat. He had to kiss him again when he brought the pasta back just to make sure that it was the real thing this time.</p><p>“I haven’t been shopping yet this week,” Evan giggled into him as he yanked on the bag with the dry spaghetti inside and Eddie made him tug on it just a bit until he let it free as they nipped at each other.</p><p> </p><p>With help of direction from Evan, Eddie got a large sauce pot ready with water, salt and oil and brought it to the burner. He sat himself atop the island in the center of the room so that he could admire Evan’s back as he started a roux and seasoned it before grabbing a chopping knife from the block. He diced the bacon and threw it into a pan and it mesmerized Eddie as Evan browned panko crumbs in the fat while it fried. He grated the cheese directly into the simmering gravy and stirred the pasta on the heat as it boiled the kale, multitasking with natural grace. It awed him how at ease he seemed when Eddie felt like he’d had fireworks going off in every part of him. It seemed as though he were watching one of Evan’s videos play out while he finished assembling their meal, and he sighed as he cracked the beer he’d been given earlier.</p><p>“You wanna find a movie?” Eddie suggested and Evan nodded while he guided them toward the living room holding each dish. He’d not instructed Eddie to join him so that they could sit cross legged in front of the coffee table on the floor, but he couldn’t pass up the chance to rub elbows and knees as they made themselves cozy.</p><p>Evan reached behind him and grabbed the remote from the table beside the couch so that he could bring up the menu on the screen before he handed it to Eddie. “You pick,” he said.</p><p>“I get to pick? You have absolutely no idea how monumental this is for me right now,” Eddie exhaled genuinely. He couldn’t remember the last time it had been his task to pick the movie.</p><p>“Oh yeah, ‘cause of Christopher, right? You probably let him pick all the time?” Evan guessed as he turned to look at him.</p><p> </p><p>“I love that you’re interested in him,” Eddie practically sang. He couldn’t hold back how gooey Evan made him feel. “One of the biggest things keeping me from meeting anybody is whether or not they’d get along with my son. Like I told you, he’s the most important person in my life, and I need whoever comes into it to be on the same page.” Eddie mentally clutched his pearls when he realized they had literally only been introduced a couple hours ago.</p><p>“Wow… I was really trying not to just pin all that obligation on you right away-” he started to say, but Evan shook his head.</p><p>“Nah, it’s totally cool. I love kids. From what you’ve said, he sounds like a pretty great one. I can’t wait to meet him when you’re ready,” Evan said as Eddie pulled his phone from his pocket so that he could show him a picture when he realized that he’d never done so before.</p><p>They fawned over him together which blossomed into them talking for so long that the TV screen started to dim and the food had begun to grow cold. The conversation flowed as it had when they were each behind their own computers. Except this time, he watched Evan stab at the pieces of kale and bacon as they kept falling from the spears until he decided to twirl the pasta around the prongs in his fork. He had to glance at him sideways while he scrolled through the menu to pretend as though he weren’t looking so that he could soak up the sight of him being adorable.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you wanna watch?” Eddie said so that it may not have been so obvious why he’d been staring.</p><p>“I dunno, whatever you want,” he insisted.</p><p>“Hmmm, you said you haven’t seen a lot of movies, huh?” Eddie recalled and Evan shook his head.</p><p>“Oh shit, they have Terminator 2! You have to see this one!” Eddie decided when he’d seen the title listed amongst the rest.</p><p>“Shouldn’t we watch the first one before I see this one?”</p><p>Eddie laughed. “You have so much to learn.”</p><p>“And you think you’re gonna teach me some things?” Evan flirted candidly, but Eddie didn’t feel like it was forced or prepared the way he often envisioned it was when he would be chatting on the screen.</p><p>“You have no idea. I’m gonna show you everything I know. Quentin Tarantino, Christopher Nolan, Martin Scorsese… You’ll be a wealth of pop culture knowledge in no time.”</p><p> </p><p>Evan chuckled as he laid his head on Eddie’s shoulder. “I mean… I have heard of some things before… it’s not like I’m totally clueless,” he tried.</p><p>“We’ll see about that,” Eddie scoffed.</p><p>When their plates had been emptied they cuddled up on the couch with Evan nestled into the crook between Eddie’s arm and the trunk of his body. Their legs tangled and Evan claimed his spot pressed to Eddie’s heart. The whole night had been like an indescribable fairytale. There had been no qualms about answering every question Evan had about the movie or making fun of the characters and situations with him. His favorite thing in the world had become trying to decode the way his mind worked. It had been something that left an impression with Eddie when they’d initially begun chatting. He was unlike anyone Eddie had ever met before. Evan seemed to have a sort of innocence to him that held him hostage in every sense.</p><p>Terminator 2 transitioned easily into Die Hard which turned into Face/Off and Eddie loved the way Evan immersed himself in each one. Over the course of the night they had been continuously touching, but throughout every film they’d used their breaths between commentary on each other. Eddie knew he probably had marks on his neck. Evan did. And he could probably identify his teeth in a fucking line up if he had to. They’d gotten to know each and every inch of the other’s torso, but the mood never wandered into spicier territory. They talked and kissed in turn like they’d been spending every night that way for years.</p><p> </p><p>When the subject came up of selecting their fourth cinematic masterpiece, it had gotten pretty late.</p><p>“I should probably get going when the next one’s over,” Eddie sulked.</p><p>“Okay,” Evan said as he squeezed him around the middle.</p><p>“So… now that you know my job… I do have to work a lot. I usually do a few 24-hour shifts in a row, and then have a few days in a row off. We probably won’t get to see each other after the next couple days for a while.”</p><p>“You’re forgetting that I still remember the frequency of our chats,” Evan reminded him as Eddie traced a line up and down the length of his arm and chuckled.</p><p>“Right. It’s gonna be harder for me to spend time apart from you now that I know I can actually hold you,” Eddie told him.</p><p> </p><p>“Mmm, true. But we know we have great text chemistry,” Evan reasoned. “We can talk all day now that you know how to use my number.”</p><p> Eddie smirked and pinched him hard enough that Evan bit through his t-shirt in retaliation as he flipped through each remaining choice they had until Evan paused him.</p><p>“Okay, see, I have seen Tropic Thunder before,” he told him.</p><p>“Whaaat? Okay, so that’s like, one point for you, and, what, like, a hundred for me?” Eddie jested as he selected the name.</p><p>“Yeah, whatever,” Evan laughed before he took Eddie’s hand to kiss his knuckles before he held it to his body. “I should at least get, like, ten for knowing such a good one.”</p><p> </p><p>“How old were you when it came out?” Eddie quizzed and he felt Evan stutter against him.</p><p>“Uhh… seventeen, I think?”</p><p>“Okay, seventeen points,” Eddie compromised and Evan giggled.</p><p>By the time the story had hit the halfway point, Evan had fallen asleep in Eddie’s arms while they stayed sandwiched beneath a plush throw blanket. Eddie breathed him in and lavished in the feeling of those curls he’d lusted over for so long against his skin. Without wanting to move, Eddie scanned the room in silence with the light from the television.</p><p>There were books stacked in the negative space in the TV console and even from so far back Eddie could read most of the spines. The authors were all people he had heard of: Leo Tolstoy, Jack London, Henry David Thoreau, Richard Dawkins, Carl Sagan, Stephen Fry. But if anyone had asked him to tell him what they’d each written about, Eddie didn’t have a clue. There were cat shelves drilled into the window sill and it made him take note that he’d not seen Norman the entire time. There were art pieces on the walls, but no pictures of any people. Eddie recalled him saying that he’d spent most of his time alone, and Maddie and Chimney both told him that he’d not had many friends.</p><p> </p><p>It made sense to Eddie why he would want the presence he’d found in the virtual community. It would’ve been absurd for him to expect that Evan would want to give it up because they’d met. But the majority of him wished that’s what he’d do. Eddie was more than happy to help him try and find a regular job to occupy his time with. That would also solve his friendship woes as it would provide a built-in network. But that all depended on how Evan felt about it. Since they were just trying to find their groove, Eddie didn’t feel like it would be conducive to bring it up.</p><p>Eddie reached for his cell phone which he’d perched on the coffee table and when he moved, Evan stirred on top of him.</p><p>“Good morning,” he cooed. “I was just about to check what time it is,” Eddie said.</p><p>“Mmm, I’m hitting the snooze,” Evan hummed into his muscles as he snuggled into Eddie’s frame.</p><p>Eddie widened his eyes when he saw that it was past three in the morning. He and Christopher had gotten to Bobby and Athena’s around five that afternoon.</p><p>“Wow, it’s late,” he remarked.</p><p>“Is it? You can stay here if you want,” Evan offered lazily as he clamped his arms around Eddie’s ribs. “I want you to,” he added.</p><p>“Me, too,” Eddie whispered into his hair.</p><p>“You wanna go upstairs?” Evan asked and for the billionth time during their date Eddie’s vitals bottomed out.</p><p>“Yeah,” Eddie concurred, still in disbelief as they started to lumber back to life.</p><p> </p><p>When they’d gotten to the landing Eddie noticed Norman curled up in the center of Evan’s made bed. Evan jumped in beside him and the cat nuzzled their faces together with care.</p><p>“Can we sleep here now, hmm?” Evan plead with him as he scratched the top of his head with his nails. He ruffled his flanks with both hands when Norman got up to stretch until he noticed Eddie standing at the top of the staircase. A zip of white fur rushed past his ankles and down the steps and Evan laid himself out on the mattress.</p><p>“Sorry, he’s kind of shy. He doesn’t usually like visitors,” Evan explained before he jumped up.</p><p>“Want some jammies?” he asked cutely.</p><p>“Heh, sure.” Eddie watched as Evan opened the top drawer of his dresser and pulled out two pairs of sweatpants. He handed the lighter pair to Eddie and started to undo his belt.</p><p>Eddie had witnessed him doing that same action more times than he’d counted but he gawked like it was never before seen. He watched Evan shimmy the jeans from his form and kick them off, leaving them in a heap on the floor before he sat down on the mattress to put the dark pair of sweats on instead. When Evan noticed him supervising, he blushed.</p><p>They stayed quietly locked into a staring contest until Evan threw the match. “Your turn.”</p><p>He didn’t feel nearly as sexy as he thought Evan looked while he changed his own clothes, but after they’d settled into his bed the peanut gallery delivered its critique. “You have an amazing ass,” he breathed into Eddie’s neck before he started to gnaw on it.</p><p>Eddie couldn’t help his amusement. “Oh yeah? Ten out of ten, or what?”</p><p>“Like, twenty probably,” Evan estimated.</p><p>“Probably?” Eddie wondered.</p><p>“I’ll give you the official results after I’ve gotten to know it better,” he answered as they embraced in the beams that danced in through the window panes above the bed.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>this is pretty much as explicit as it's gonna be.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He stretched his whole body out as he rolled into the bedding and Eddie felt he may pass out for a second sleep when he breathed in the sheets. Of course everything smelled like Evan because he should’ve been there. Eddie sprang up after he’d swiped the space he had been occupying before to find that it was vacant. It helped ease his mind just a bit that the spot was still warm to the touch beneath the covers.</p><p>There had been so many mornings in the past that he would start his day with crust in the corner of each eye and the mattress cold beside him, and Eddie would pretend that Evan had simply gotten up to start making breakfast or to brush his teeth. He was verging on a conniption when he’d actually fallen asleep in the same bed next to him the night before but woke up alone again. There had been a clock sat on one of the slats of the bookshelf that told him it was nearly half past ten in the morning, so he swung each leg off of the pillowtop, rubbed his face and started to go downstairs.</p><p>The moment he got to the top he saw the dishes in the sink from the night before and a lightness washed over him when he relived every second. It had been the most amazing evening and it was almost like he needed to see the aftermath for confirmation that it had happened at all. He’d dreamt about it too many times to trust himself. When he got to the bottom of the steps he looked into the living room where the television running caught his attention.</p><p> </p><p>As he came up to the living area he caught sight of Evan sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table with his laptop open and cartoons playing with the sound so low he could hardly hear it. He didn’t notice as Eddie walked up, so for a few seconds he got to observe him while it appeared that he worked. He typed with a blank expression on his face and the edges of his mouth threatened to slip into a frown. Eddie hated to think that’s how he’d been sat all the dozens of times they’d talked and he bit his lip. It stung to see it from this side.</p><p>His face brightened when Eddie approached. “Hey, I hope I didn’t wake you,” said Evan with a smile.</p><p>“No, you didn’t,” Eddie assured him. “You did kinda fuck with my morning though,” he added as he sat down on the couch next to Evan so that his knee rested against his shoulder.</p><p>“I did?” he asked as he looked up at him, sounding a bit worried and Eddie couldn’t stop the grin from spreading ear to ear.</p><p>“I was hoping I would finally get to start my day by giving you a good morning kiss,” Eddie admitted as he leaned down to do as he wished.</p><p>Evan laughed against his lips and reached up with both hands to hold him there longer. “I’m sorry, I wanted to be done with this before you got up. It tastes just as good now though, too, right?” Evan pouted as Eddie caught sight of the website pulled up on his computer. He knew that it was still Evan’s job but it didn’t make it less painful for Eddie to see him updating his OnlyFans page.</p><p> </p><p>“I can go back upstairs-” Eddie started to say, but Evan interrupted him.</p><p>“I’m almost done. But you can go back upstairs if you want… or whatever you want,” Evan clarified as though he were thinking Eddie might want to leave.</p><p>“You don’t mind if I stay down here with you?” Eddie wondered, feeling like it might be a bit strange.</p><p>“Nah, I don’t mind… if you don’t,” Evan shrugged. “I wouldn’t have taken the time, but I was kind of busy all day yesterday so I didn’t get a chance to upload anything,” he teased as he nudged Eddie’s leg.</p><p>Eddie laughed, but it wasn’t pitiful or forced. He expected it would be harder for him to get past it and start making jokes, but everything seemed easier with Evan somehow. He supposed that if Evan still felt compelled to keep doing it, he could handle it if that’s what he wanted. Eddie just needed to figure out a way to truly be okay with it if it meant they could be together.</p><p>“I picked one for today, too, so I don’t forget.” Evan turned his attention back to what he was doing and Eddie looked him over. He looked beautiful first thing in the morning with his hair a ruffled heap and a wrinkled t-shirt askew around his frame with the sleeves partially rolled up.</p><p>“You plan on being busy all day again today?” asked Eddie while he swung his leg over Evan’s head so that he was sitting between them. He started to rub his neck out of guilt when he noticed how bruised he’d made him as Evan continued to reply to comments.</p><p>“I was kinda hoping I’d maybe be a little busy,” he answered.</p><p> </p><p>“I do have to pick up Christopher later from Bobby and Athena’s, but I’m assuming I could probably get a few more hours of free babysitting out of them before I gotta go.”</p><p>“Mmm, I’m down for that,” Evan hummed as Eddie squeezed him with his calves.</p><p>They sat quietly for the next few moments and Eddie observed as Evan proceeded to upload a new entry. He selected the file name in the window and they sat while he substituted a description of the video with a quick apology about being late to post. He promised a second update later that afternoon then selected the amount he’d like to charge. Everything seemed to be finalized for him to publish the draft to the server. But he hesitated and Eddie could tell that he wanted to say something.</p><p>“You wanna approve it before it goes up?” Evan offered as he waxed lazily along the spacebar.</p><p>The blood started to cook in his veins as he thought about it. Eddie had read the tagline while it was being typed out. “Sometimes I touch myself when I touch myself x.” His cheeks grew hot and he shifted while he tried not to move at the same time. He could feel the roof of his mouth turning to sandpaper against his tongue and Evan must’ve sensed the change in atmosphere.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you don’t watch the ones with so much skin…” Evan trailed off and Eddie shuddered to think about his skin and how it was close enough to touch.</p><p>He’d only ever seen him fully nude that one time when he’d checked out the live stream with the videogames. Eddie had been too nervous to and scandalized to pay for one of Evan’s other explicit clips. There was no way he could’ve predicted that he’d be indulging in the first with Evan practically sitting in his lap.</p><p>“Lemme see,” Eddie practically gasped, panting already despite the fact that it hadn’t even started yet.</p><p>Evan selected the file he’d chosen to post to the site and when the media player started to project it, Eddie involuntarily held his breath while he took in the sight. He felt like he’d been sitting in his own home with his own laptop in front of him on the dining room table or nestled amongst the comforter on his bed. The sensation of Evan’s folded legs on top of his toes, warm in their socks, made it feel otherworldly.</p><p>On the screen Evan sat on his knees in the bed they’d just both been sleeping in upstairs. The sheets were different which made Eddie wonder when this video had been filmed. Placed on the mattress, the camera watched as he fondled himself, exploring every hardened muscle that made up his perfect body. The way the shot was backlit from white Christmas lights strung up where the walls met the ceiling illuminated the hair that graced his parts and Eddie’s breath hitched as Evan tracked through it with both hands down each thigh. The scene cut his face from view, but he could see him biting his lip as he reached behind himself and dipped his head. The gasp that followed wasn’t enough to distract from the way he twitched as he sunk his fingers inside and spread his legs just a bit.</p><p>Eddie realized he’d been biting his own lip in effort to keep himself silent as Evan used his other hand to pinch his nipples and map both pecs. His pants were tightening at an alarming rate and he suddenly felt so uncomfortable. It was like the air were being sucked from his windpipe as he sat rigid and hypnotized. With a loose fist Evan started to work himself up while his other palm smoothed each collarbone. He tilted his head back to run his index finger from his chin to his adam’s apple before he used all five to squeeze his throat. He kept the pressure up while he beat himself closer to completion and the strangled sounds that it produced had Eddie’s borrowed sweatpants getting wet.</p><p>It was divine the way his skin reddened at the points of contact and Eddie had to drool over how much he loved his hands. He concentrated on the bends of each digit as he wrapped around his esophagus while he choked himself out. It was intoxicating the way he groped at his privacy and Eddie longed jealously to receive the same type of frisking. By the time Evan was finishing against his torso and heaving desperately for breath after he’d let himself go, Eddie was throbbing and starting to sweat.</p><p> </p><p>Ability to piece together a coherent review was lost on the appointed critic and he realized he’d been whitening his knuckles as he bunched the fabric doubled over into a hem at the bottom of his shirt when Evan turned around for his opinion. He smiled and ducked his head while he blushed when he saw Eddie looking a mess.</p><p>“Can I?” he whispered as he started to seize Eddie’s limbs. He waited for the pitiful nod that signaled him to continue and Evan dug his grip into his knees before he spread his touch up each femur while the recipient trembled beneath the feeling.</p><p>He clenched the elastic waistband of his own sweatpants around another’s waist, and Evan kept them suspended there with his forearms resting against Eddie’s legs and his pull ready to disrobe him. It was clear that he was enjoying seeing the other man lose it as he smirked when he started to inch them down at a painstaking lag until his bulge was keeping them aside. Evan laid against it and Eddie shivered when he opened his mouth just enough that he could feel his hot breath though the fabric. His eyelids slipped closed when he used the tip of his tongue to trace the length and he picked his hips up off the cushion just a bit. Evan giggled and hooked his underpants to yank them down so that he could nuzzle the hair that covered Eddie’s lower abdomen and plant delicate pecks into his skin.</p><p>Eddie kneaded his locks while Evan lapped at his stiffened member through the layer that kept them apart and he sucked at the stain that pooled from the excitement. He definitely knew how to tease, but Eddie was nearing ballistic anticipating the moment he’d see himself taken by Evan’s mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“You have no idea how many times I wondered what your dick looked like,” Evan confessed, his voice hungry and rough. “And thought about what I wanted to do with it,” he added as he nudged it with his cheek.</p><p>“Did you notice?” he asked after a pause. “That was the first thing I did when I found out it was you… I looked at your crotch,” Evan laughed before he nipped at Eddie’s cock just enough that it hurt so good.</p><p>An automatic response triggered the scoff that came from Eddie in return. He’d found it amusing, yes, but at the moment there had been no signals going to anywhere in his nervous system that wasn’t his junk. He involuntarily bucked Evan’s face when he finally slipped the cotton over his sensitive form, but he took it in stride. He used the invitation to open wide until Eddie was blissfully unaware of anything but the heat wrapped around his fattened veins.</p><p>Eddie ripped at his roots to assume control while he guided him up and down his shaft and Evan used his reach to push Eddie’s t-shirt aside so that he could trace his six-pack while he worked. It was absolutely heavenly and the floodgates threatened to splinter away while his golden tresses tickled his abs every time he took him in all the way to the base. He couldn’t stop touching him as Evan returned the favor, using his hands to cover the absence when he’d turned his attention to his sack while he jerked him off.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, fuck, Evan,” Eddie breathed as the sensation overwhelmed him.</p><p>Evan moaned against his flesh in answer while Eddie cradled him to his hip joint and the show was just what he needed to throw him over the edge. He mimicked the natural swipe across Evan’s left brow while he spilled over his stomach and he watched with fascinated fixation before he climbed Eddie’s extremities to clean it up. The way he maintained the eye contact while he slurped the cum out of his navel would stay the permanent screensaver in his brain for the rest of his life.</p><p>Neither of them said anything as Evan settled onto the couch and patted him dry with Eddie’s t-shirt when he rearranged it back into place. He started to stuff him back into his clothing so that he would be able to lie on top and he hummed happily as Eddie stroked his curls. Though it was quiet and probably should have been awkward, it seemed peaceful as they stayed like that together watching the cartoons nearly muted on the TV and just being comfortable with each other. It didn’t seem like any time had passed but it was nearly half past noon when Eddie’s phone started to ring with his text tone from the coffee table where he’d left it the night before. Evan reached for it because it was easier before handing it off and Eddie opened the message to see that it was Bobby asking when he’d be by to pick up Christopher.</p><p>He loved his son, and Eddie never wanted to be without him. He didn’t regret that he needed him because he needed Chris just as much. But he felt sad to have to leave Evan behind as they would part ways and each go about their own lives separately. It didn’t matter that they’d found each other to him; he wanted to be with him always from that moment on. He couldn’t wait for Evan and Christopher to meet each other and he couldn’t wait for him to have space in the dresser at his house. He could already picture their wedding and wondered where Evan would want to go for their honeymoon. He wondered if Evan wouldn’t mind hyphenating Buckley-Diaz as his taken name. Shaking the ideas from his overactive imagination, Eddie scratched at Evan’s back while he threw his head against the cushions.</p><p> </p><p>“You have to leave, huh?” Evan sighed.</p><p>“Trust me, I don’t want to. But I should get Christopher from Bobby and Athena’s pretty soon. I told them I’d be by in a couple hours,” Eddie told him as Evan snuggled into his touch when he tried to retrieve his hands, making him freeze into position from the guilt.</p><p>“Mmmeh, okay,” Evan mumbled sadly. “I guess I knew we couldn’t stay hidden in my apartment forever.”</p><p>“Real life is waiting, I suppose,” Eddie said. “But this does give me the opportunity to ask you for a proper date.”</p><p>“What?” Evan laughed like he’d not been expecting it despite the obvious chemistry, the amazing night they’d shared and the blow job that just happened.</p><p>“Will you let me take you out tomorrow night?”</p><p>“Yeah? You wanna take me out for real?” Evan asked as he turned over so they could look at each other.</p><p>“Every night if I could,” Eddie told him truthfully.</p><p> </p><p>“What if I wanna take you, huh?” Evan asked, catching him by surprise and they shared a giggle together while Eddie shook his head.</p><p>“I’m sure we can work something out.” Eddie smiled as he bent down so that they could share a kiss. “Just as long as I get to see you again.”</p><p>“You won’t be able to get rid of me,” Evan warned playfully.</p><p>“So should I start calling you Buck now, or…?” Eddie trailed off so that he could meet their tongues again.</p><p>“Well, my name still is Evan,” he said smartly. “But I think probably, yeah. At least in front of everyone else to save us the explanation.”</p><p>They had French toast (that Evan made, of course) and went back upstairs to eat it in Evan’s bed and lay together while they watched Zoolander until it was time for Eddie to leave. Despite knowing that they would see each other again the next night, Eddie had a hard time walking away. It seemed ridiculous to feel like he’d been in love, but that’s exactly how it seemed. It had only been such a short time but it was like they knew each other so well already. Even though it’d only been one night, Eddie felt certain that Evan was his person.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s truck practically drove itself to Bobby and Athena’s place and he floated from the seat to the front door on a cloud. He felt a little nervous about the possible round of inquisition that would come because he’d ducked out of the party so early the night before and then showed up the next day with a checkered neck, but he was grateful when Athena just let him right in without a word about it.</p><p>“You want some coffee?” she asked while she led Eddie from the entrance into the house and his heart skipped a beat as butterflies churned his insides when he saw the spot where he’d first met Evan face to face.</p><p>“Uh, sure,” he grunted, trying to remain composed enough that no questions would be asked about why he was having a meltdown in his boss’s kitchen.</p><p>“The kids are down the hall, some videogame tournament gone awry with one of Harry’s internet buddies,” she informed him. “Bobby’s doing some laundry in the basement but he should be up in a second. You know, he’s quite taken with your new friend, Buck. He won’t say it out loud but I think he kind of reminds him of his son a bit. You should’ve seen them cooking dinner together here yesterday. Bobby was showing him all of his favorite songs, telling him stories from when he was a teenager… It was pretty cute to watch, actually. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Bobby open up like that, he was like a kid again.” Athena put some coffee down in front of Eddie after he claimed a seat at the kitchen table and he took it in his hands so that the porcelain warmed his palms.</p><p>Eddie couldn’t help the chuckle that came from the image. “He's something special,” Eddie remarked with gooey enthusiasm.</p><p>“I take it that means you two had fun last night?” Athena pried as she took a sip from her own cup with a pursed grin. “He's really handsome, Eddie.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie winced as he brought his own drink to his lips.</p><p>“Maddie is very proud of herself,” Athena revealed as Bobby joined them in the dining room. “I’m surprised she hasn’t blown up your phone asking for details, it was all she could talk about after you two left.”</p><p>Eddie assumed he had Chimney to thank for that. He was probably the reason Maddie hadn’t texted.</p><p>“Hey, Eddie,” Bobby greeted him as he walked up to the table. “The kids had a busy night but Christopher had a blast. And we didn’t let him stay up too late,” he told him.</p><p>“Thank you for letting him stay, I appreciate it,” Eddie responded.</p><p>“Yeah, of course… Glad we could give you a night for yourself,” Bobby quipped, alluding to the fact that he knew Eddie had fun with his evening, too. “We’d be happy to have him back any time,” he added, further cementing the fact.</p><p>“Thanks, Cap.” Eddie nodded gratefully at the same time he tried to keep his embarrassment under wraps. He wasn’t about to tell them that he’d made a date for the next night. He decided he would leave that for Carla to tease him about when he told her that he’d finally gotten up enough nerve to ask someone out successfully.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The cell phone Eddie usually didn’t like to linger on stayed glued to his palm because he and Evan couldn’t stop chatting up until he’d gotten ready to leave to the restaurant they’d picked for their first official date. As Eddie sat shaking in the driver’s seat before it was time for him to go in if he wanted to be on time, he exhaled the nerves he wasn’t sure he was supposed to be having. He and Evan had been talking for nearly half a year. They’d spent almost a whole 24 hours together and had seen each other’s cocks already. It wasn’t like he had any reason to think that Evan wasn’t going to like him, or may stand him up. He assumed it was the fact that he was out with a man in public and he never had done that before. Or maybe it was the fact that he was self conscious next to somebody so breathtaking as he found Evan to be. Either way, when he got to the maitre d’ podium to be shown to his table, he feared he may vomit in the lobby.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie nearly toppled from his seat when he saw Evan come into the room. He wore a burgundy colored suit with a black button up left open at the top. He’d skipped the tie and had his hair done up nice and slick with shined dress shoes complimenting the ensemble. His blindingly miraculous smile completed the look and Eddie couldn’t help but stand when he got to the table.</p><p>“You look amazing,” he whispered into Eddie’s ear first as he leaned in for a soft kiss to his cheek when they joined in a half hug greeting.</p><p>“That was supposed to be my line,” Eddie teased as Evan took his seat across from him.</p><p>“What, I can’t tell my man how hot he looks?” Evan asked as he settled in his chair and Eddie felt himself blush.</p><p>“Oh, is that what’s going on? Okay… I can handle you stealing my material if it comes with the title,” said Eddie seriously, enjoying the sound of being Evan’s man.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t tend to frequent upscale, multi-star rated restaurants, but Eddie felt the waiter crowded them a lot quicker than he remembered being served anywhere else after Evan had sat down. When the middle-aged and white-collar-enough-looking man came up to their table to take their drink orders, he lingered on Evan’s eyes and seemed to smile wider than he should’ve done to a stranger.  Eddie got the impression immediately that he knew who he was, and he had to speculate if it was always going to be like that.  Would he always be wondering if everybody knew who Evan was?  </p><p>Evan didn’t even seem to notice that this waiter was being extra nice to him while he looked across the table to get Eddie’s preference.</p><p>“Uh, let’s just start with a Merlot,” Eddie sighed, trying to keep himself focused as the waiter stood beside Evan, beaming broadly and looking like he were trying to get a whiff of his cologne.</p><p>“Of course, sirs,” the waiter smiled. “Would you like another moment to select an appetizer?”</p><p>“Uh, yes, a moment would be nice,” Eddie stammered, just wanting him to go away.</p><p>“Certainly,” he agreed before he looked down at Evan again and walked away.</p><p> </p><p>“I know I seem super delicate, but I promise you, I will eat this whole appetizer and probably both of our two entrees by myself. So I’m thinking we get two appetizers and split them and see where that goes?” Evan proposed.</p><p>Eddie tried to smile but he couldn’t stop feeling like every man in the building was looking at his dining companion. “Yeah, that’s cool… this tomato salad sounds good,” he observed as he read over the menu.</p><p>“Oooh, yeah, that does look good… I think I want these crab legs though,” Evan suggested with raised eyebrows as he scanned through the dishes. “I don’t even care that seafood doesn’t go with Merlot,” he said with a shrug.</p><p>“I’m kind of impressed that you know that,” Eddie admitted. “I have no idea about any of that stuff. I just drink whatever my sisters tell me is good and most of the time I have to pretend to like it.”</p><p>Evan laughed. “Wine can be kinda nasty, though, sometimes.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know you prefer beer,” Eddie told him, recalling a specific one of their chats where they had talked about this. Evan had been a bartender after he’d dropped out of college and knew how to make all those different fruity mixed drinks. He had been refined enough to understand wines, too. Despite all that information, he still liked a good cold beer best of all and Eddie adored it.</p><p> </p><p>“We totally should’ve ordered this on DoorDash at my house. I don’t even like coming to these kinds of restaurants,” he griped and Eddie narrowed his eyes.</p><p>“Then why did you pick this one?” he couldn’t help asking.</p><p>“<em>Because</em>, <em>Eddie</em>, they have this flat iron steak here that is grilled in, like, this fucking sauce with all kinds of garlicky butter and these truffle fries with this melty, salty cheese… Every time I have it, I end up craving it for months after. It’s so good, I needed to show it to you,” Evan enlightened him and Eddie nodded.</p><p>“This is the steak with the fries that you got all the time?” he repeated, remembering that during their first conversation Evan had told him he was bankrupting himself on steak and fries from some specific restaurant, ordering it at least once a week.</p><p>“Oh my god, yes! I can’t believe you remember that. I feel like I mentioned that when we first started talking! I have needed you to try this sauce ever since then,” Evan gushed as the waiter came back up to their table. Eddie could only hope that the frequency of his steak habit was the sole reason the waiter seemed to know him and there was no other explanation. But given Evan’s proclivity for DoorDash, Eddie had to doubt it.</p><p> </p><p>“Gentlemen,” the man said as he held his leather clipboard, ready to take their order. “Have we decided on a first course?” he asked in a pleasant tone.</p><p>“Yes, thank you. We’ll do an order of the crab legs, and one of the tomato salads,” Evan answered before Eddie could speak.</p><p>“Excellent choices. For your entrees, did you need more time?” he followed up after he’d jotted the appetizers down.</p><p>“I want the steak frites, medium rare,” Evan answered instantly.</p><p>“I think I’ll do the gnocchi, with roasted chicken, please,” Eddie said as he handed off his menu.</p><p> </p><p>“Actually, could I do another order of the same steak? Like, a second order? But, like, instead of at the same time can you send it out at the end, so I can take it home?” Evan asked the waiter and he snickered as he wrote down the additional request.</p><p>“As you wish, sir,” the waiter appeased him and grabbed both menus, lingering again on Evan before he walked away from them.</p><p>“You should’ve got your own,” Evan tsk’d as he took a drink from his glass. “I’m gonna kill that whole plate, I told you. You’re gonna get, like, the smallest bite ever, and then the rest is mine.”</p><p>“And that’s why you got a second one? So I could have some, too?” Eddie cooed sweetly.</p><p>“No,” Evan replied with a blunt edge. “It’s for me. I’ll have it later on tonight when we get home.” It seemed so automatic that neither of them quite noticed until Evan gulped and took another swig of his wine.</p><p>“You’re not worried the fries are gonna be gross?” Eddie commented after their brief falter.</p><p>“That’s why you have to put them in the air fryer. It prevents the grossness,” Evan said, as though it should’ve been common sense. “How is it that I’m the one dropping all the knowledge tonight? Weren’t you supposed to be teaching me?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie smirked and they continued taking cheap shots at one another in good humor until the starters arrived. Evan had asked for small plates for each and they split both presentations between the two of them, though Eddie noticed he wasn’t doing nearly as much eating as he was gazing longingly at Evan and hanging on every word he spoke. Their annoying waiter came by to refill their glasses a couple of times, and when the entrees came out, Evan breached fancy-pants protocol to scoot his chair to the same side of the table as Eddie had been sitting on.</p><p>“You have to dip the fry in the sauce,” Evan instructed as he swirled one of the piping hot crispy potato pieces through the brown gravy he’d poured onto his plate when it had gotten to the table.</p><p>Eddie expected him to eat it, but his heart threatened to burst when Evan put it up to his face like he were going to feed him, so Eddie opened his mouth and let him do it. All of his hype had not been wrong, either. Composed of such simple ingredients, it had an elevated flavor profile that put the meal in another league. Eddie could see how it would’ve been something one would order again and again- and he’d not even tried the protein yet. The food was substantially satisfying, but seeing Evan’s face glow with such fondness as he watched Eddie taste it was his favorite part.</p><p> </p><p>They ate dessert and when it came time for the bill to be paid, Eddie was surprised when Evan reached for the receipt and started to get his wallet out.</p><p>“Uh, you’re not supposed to be paying right now?” Eddie balked as he sat slightly emasculated and mildly shamed. Especially after he got a peek at the total.</p><p>“You can get the next one,” he said simply as he flagged their server down and got him to take the small folded booklet with the tab that he’d slipped his credit card into.</p><p>When the man they’d been dealing with all night came back up to them to grab the check, he paused before he walked away and leaned in close enough to drop his voice.</p><p>“I’m so sorry; I hope I’m not disturbing you. I wanted to wait until you were on your way out… I just wanted to say, I’m a huge fan… of your page.” The waiter reddened a little. “Evan,” he added with a sniveling head nod and a pathetic glance at Eddie, as if out of obligation to admit that he’d been interrupting a date.</p><p>“Thank you,” Evan said graciously, smiling politely as he rose from the place setting he’d created for himself next to Eddie’s. “That’s kind of you to wait,” he included sharply, as though he were annoyed but didn’t want to say so.</p><p>The third wheel seemed to take another breath so he could continue the conversation, but Eddie followed Evan’s lead and they began to leave together. Nobody said anything while they went out to the parking lot until they were standing next to Eddie’s truck.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry about that,” Evan muttered, his chagrin clearly evident.</p><p>“It’s, uh- it’s okay,” Eddie shuddered, not wanting to make Evan feel worse than he did.</p><p>“Is it? Because it seemed not okay to me,” Evan challenged him.</p><p>“I mean,” Eddie started, leaning against the body of his vehicle. “It was pretty weird… You didn’t notice that he was, like… <em>on you</em> all night?”</p><p>“No, I didn’t, because I was on <em>you</em> all night,” Evan said and Eddie rolled his eyes.</p><p>“What do you want me to say, Evan?” he shrugged passive aggressively.</p><p>“Tell me the truth,” Evan wished. “I know it bothers you. You kind of told me already, remember?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie paused when he was forced to recall a conversation they’d had about the logistics of being in a relationship when one has a job like Evan had. He mentioned that he got jealous easily and wasn’t sure if he was up for the task of competing for attention. It had always been clear what Eddie’s stance was on the fact that anyone at any time could pull up Evan’s nudes. He’d always been transparent about that and was willfully straight forward when he thought they’d never meet.</p><p>“Okay, fine, you’re right. I don’t like it,” Eddie confessed stubbornly. “But, yes, I do remember; I’ve told you that since day one. I’ve also told you I feel like there is so much more to you than just what people see online.”</p><p>“And I appreciate that you think that. No one else does,” Evan interjected. “But, Eddie-”</p><p>“No, Evan, that’s the problem! I hate that they only want the idea of you because it makes you think that shallow, superficial praise is good enough. Those people don’t know your heart or your mind or your soul... I want all of you. You’re important to me- you matter to <em>me</em>! I just want you to see how fucking incredible you are, and I want you to feel good about yourself without having to do it that way. I wanna help you find something else that makes you feel just as good. Maybe better?” Eddie sighed when Evan dropped his head to the blacktop and blinked in silence.</p><p>“If that’s really what you wanna do, and you’re truly happy, I’ll support you. You have a life that’s yours and you’ve been living it since before we started talking. I want you to know that I would never ask you to change yourself for me. But Evan, you are so smart. You went to an Ivy League school! You’ve traveled the world, you speak more than one language, you’re artistic and creative, and mechanically inclined! You have so many other skills besides being really, really, ridiculously good looking,” Eddie joked to bring it back down, referencing the movie they’d ended it on the day before and he was beyond relieved when it made Evan grin and lock their stares again.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie felt like it was okay for him to invade his space and he took both hands into his own while Evan’s blue eyes sparkled in the light from the lamp above. “I know people are always gonna stare at you because you suck up all the energy in the room. You’re gorgeous, and you’re confident, and you have sunlight in your veins, and I love all of that about you- it’s what makes you so magnetic. It’s what made me wanna be with you. But I don’t want anyone else to have you.”</p><p>“Nobody else has me. Just you,” Evan reassured him as he leaned down to mesh their mouths.</p><p>To stop them from making out on the tar, Evan revealed that he’d taken a Lyft in hopes of getting Eddie to drive him back to his place so that he might stay the night a second time. Eddie had actually been rather nervous at the prospect of their first sexual encounter, and it made him afraid to agree not to leave. But when they got inside, they’d melted into their new normal of cuddling on the couch with the television on. Only this time they’d been sharing Evan’s steak and fries amongst them. They made out and groped each other with no further expectation and it was natural and welcome like it had been the last time.</p><p> </p><p>It seemed like their minor disagreement had never even happened. But it was becoming apparent that the only place Eddie felt legitimately comfortable was tucked away inside of Evan’s apartment. He’d not been ashamed of him, but being confronted with his occupation by a slap to the face in public wasn’t exactly a prideful moment. It wasn’t an experience he was keen to relive.  He didn’t want to push the subject, but he needed a way to help Maddie convince her little brother that he was capable of doing more with his life.</p><p>He remembered Athena saying that Bobby had wanted to recruit him anyways, and Evan himself had told Eddie that he liked the idea of being a firefighter. He figured that when he got back to work the next morning he would talk to his Captain about it and see if he couldn’t help nudge the idea into existence.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bobby had already been in Evan’s ear about taking the necessary courses to be a firefighter with the LAFD, and he told Eddie as much when they’d talked before his shift started on his Monday. But Bobby had warned that Evan feared he wasn’t mentally strong enough for the job. He had told Eddie the same thing when they’d briefly touched on that subject while Evan had revealed to Eddie a past endeavor with the Navy SEALs after he’d joined for all of a year. Explaining that the reason he’d dropped out was because he was too emotional and couldn’t separate himself from the mission a lot of the time, Evan had expressed concern that firefighting may provide the same issues when they’d discussed it in the chatroom and offered that as a reason why he hadn’t gone for it.</p><p>They’d still never talked about the LAFD in specific when they’d known each other face to face, and Eddie decided to leave it alone after their little tiff in the parking lot at the restaurant where Evan had been recognized by their waiter during dinner. He had to work four 24-hour shifts in a row and he wasn’t sure when the next time they would be able to talk would be, but he knew that it would be a digital correspondence. Though it was stupid to assume it would come from OnlyFans, he kept waiting and checking his email for notifications. He’d tried not to be so petty, but he had stopped checking Evan’s page out of raging bitterness. He couldn’t bear to see it the next time he updated with an x-rated clip.</p><p> </p><p>In an effort to ease his mind while they’d been at Evan’s loft after dinner, he’d explained to Eddie that most of the offerings that he chose on a daily basis had been recorded in advance, and he would stock up a bunch and then choose for later on so that he wouldn’t have to do it every day. Evan told him that a lot of the videos he’d shot featuring another person had been made with regulars that he’d known at the same depth he’d known Eddie while they’d been chatting, or people he’d known in real life. Most of the time he would use one sexual encounter to create several different entries. Positioning, lighting, location, time of day, and sometimes even a wardrobe change would aid in the illusion that they were all separate meetings. Then he would spread the posts out so that it wouldn’t ever be too obvious. Eddie was kind of dazzled, actually. It was smart business, and Evan was quite good with the editing and finishing processes using software he’d pirated off the internet.</p><p>But Eddie had to assume that with all that wisdom and clear ambition that Evan would want more from his day to day than staying locked up at home in  a cyber prison, on display for people who would never truly be able to see him. Even if he wouldn’t come out and say it exactly, Evan had expressed sadness that his life was limited to his walls, a pet cat that filled the slot for his best friend, and the hollow gallery of objectifying words he’d collected from soulless screen names. It made Eddie sad to think about it. But he told Evan that he wouldn’t try to change him and he meant it. If he didn’t want to switch career paths, it wasn’t up to Eddie to convince him no matter how badly he’d wanted to try. He opted to keep his mouth shut, and when Evan texted him around lunch time that day he took it like a normal person and had a pleasant conversation with the man he’d been seeing.</p><p> </p><p>It was getting near dinner time when they’d gotten an emergency at a McDonald’s in Inglewood. Some teenagers had been messing around and one of them got their heads stuck in a bike rack.  The save was easy enough, Eddie got to use a chainsaw to free him and Hen stitched up a wound on his neck. Protocol was lost as they sat around waiting for the cops to give the all clear for them to leave.</p><p>“I hate to be one of those guys and just mercilessly pester you because my girlfriend’s mercilessly pestering me and I know how it feels, but Eddie, I need a break here,” Chimney told him as he came up behind him while Bobby and Athena caught up and the rest of the crew puttered around. “She asks me every five seconds if you’ve told me how it went after the party the other night. Apparently Buck’s not talkin’ and she’s dying for the details,” he said.</p><p>“So she sent in reinforcements,” Eddie concluded as he nodded.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Eddie… But I’m kind of dying to know, too,” Chimney mumbled. “I mean, you two kinda left us all hanging when you took off together after, what, a five second introduction?”</p><p>“It was really loud there, it was a party,” Eddie retorted and Chimney gave him a scowl.</p><p>“You guys have been on my back for months trying to get me to meet this guy, and I finally wanna get to know him better now you’re giving me shit?”</p><p>“I didn’t tell you to rush into anything! How well did you, uh, get to know him?” Chimney pried with sarcastic wide eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“We talked,” Eddie said frankly. “A lot.”</p><p>Chimney pursed his lips and Eddie rolled his eyes in defeat.</p><p>“Okaaay. You and Maddie were right. I… really like him. We get along well, we have a lot in common. It was good…” Eddie floundered incoherently with a mushy swoon on his face and Chimney gave him a genuine grin.</p><p>“I knew it! I knew it, I knew you’d like him,” Chimney gloated through gritted teeth as he pointed at his friend in victorious accusation. “How perfect are you two for each other?” he taunted as he put his hand to his ear so that he could hear Eddie tell him again that he’d known best.</p><p>Eddie wished that he could tell him to shove it because he’d found Evan on his own. But he sighed and decided to embrace it when he realized for the first time that he would’ve preferred to shout it from the Griffith Observatory rather than simply telling Chimney in a dingy McDonald’s parking lot.</p><p>“Pretty perfect,” Eddie hummed.</p><p>“Maddie is gonna be so psyched,” Chimney responded with an air of gratefulness. “Except now I gotta listen to her complain about his job, and how it’s my duty as the man who loves her to fix it. I’m definitely not trying to jump the gun here, but I can’t wait for us to have our own baby so she can stop forcing me to agonize over Buck. As great as he is, you’re gonna learn what a handful he can be.”</p><p>There was no hiding his amusement because he’d already learned that Evan was a fire he hadn’t been trained to tame. Eddie tried not to comment on the part where he’d mentioned his professional situation. He was dying to tell him how badly he wanted the same thing Maddie did. He wanted to commiserate on how much he hated Evan’s line of work, and how much he worried about him, too; but that he wanted it to be his responsibility. He wanted to be the one to monitor Evan’s happiness and ruminate on how to bring it back should it ever leave him again. He longed to be the one that could help him find it if assistance was the only thing he was missing.</p><p>“I can believe it,” Eddie laughed, musing on all the ways Evan had already surprised him in the short time they’d known each other’s company in person. Chimney smirked as Bobby signaled them to get back into the vehicles to head back to the station.</p><p> </p><p>It had been so easy the way things flowed between Eddie and Evan after that first initial weekend when they’d finally met each other. While the weeks inched closer to Christmas, they got closer as a couple, and eventually Eddie decided that he wanted Christopher and Evan to meet each other, too. The firehouse always hosted a Toys For Tots gift donation event with food, live music, and of course, cute firefighters posing for pictures in a faux winter setting. Although it wasn’t quite Christmas Eve yet, Athena had arranged a luncheon for when the festivities had concluded since the crew at the 118 would still be on the clock. It had been a risky move, but Eddie felt like it would pay off when it meant that Chris and his Abuela would be coming by to eat.</p><p>Figuring that would be as good a time as any, Eddie asked Evan if he would bring a gift by the station for the charity drive, then stay for the meal and the meet and greet with his family. He felt a little guilty ambushing him with his grandmother at the same time, but he figured they’d been official long enough that it shouldn’t matter.</p><p>“I don’t know why you’re nervous,” Eddie tried to reassure him after he’d gotten a text from Abuela stating that she was on her way in with Chris.</p><p>“Because, I’ve never met a grandmother before,” Evan told him as he fidgeted with his hair in the reflection of the polished side of the ladder truck nearest the donation booth. “What if she hates me?”</p><p>“Nobody is gonna hate you,” Eddie tried to reassure him. “They’re gonna like you as much as I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Buck,” Eddie heard from behind them as Bobby approached them both. “Good to see you, son,” he said as he shook his hand until they were halfway hugging.</p><p>“I hope you’re staying to eat,” Athena told him as she squeezed Bobby’s waist. “I made almost everything up on that table in there from scratch myself,” she informed him as if she were worried he wasn’t enticed enough already.</p><p>“Yeah, of course,” he told her as he kissed her cheek hello. “Thank you guys for inviting me.”</p><p>“You’re always welcome here,” Bobby told him and Eddie’s heart warmed. “And the door’s always open if you wanna take that step and decide to stay,” he iterated smoothly and it actually seemed to make Evan’s cheeks rosy. But he didn’t have time to answer before Eddie caught sight of Abuela and Christopher coming in through the opened bay doors.</p><p> </p><p>“Dad!” Christopher shrieked happily as he noticed his father. “Hicimos flan!” he told him proudly, and Eddie jogged up to his grandmother to take the covered dish from her hand.</p><p>“Whoa, what? You guys made us some flan? I can’t wait to try it, buddy!” Eddie bent down to kiss his pride and joy on the forehead before standing to do the same to his favorite mother figure.</p><p>“Hola, abuelita, tan hermosa como siempre,” he complimented her, telling her she’d been beautiful as always.</p><p>“Eddito,” she purred as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. “Y donde esta el guapo que querias que conociera?”</p><p>Abuela wasted no time asking about Buck because her grandson had been bragging about him for weeks. Eddie could feel himself going flush as he took a deep breath and waved Evan over to join them.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Chris, remember my new friend Buck I told you about?” he asked his son as Evan came up to the group. “I want you both to meet him.”</p><p>“Eddito told me you speak Spanish,” Abuela let him know immediately and Evan blinked as though it were a trick question.</p><p>“Uh, yeah?” he answered with a half smile.</p><p>“Then it won’t do me any good to talk about what a catch you are behind your back so I might as well just say it,” she decided as she swept Evan into a hearty embrace. “Good job, mijito. He's a knockout,” Abuela congratulated Eddie over his shoulder.</p><p>“Thank you,” Evan breathed as he burned from the sudden onslaught of affection. “It’s really nice to meet you, I’ve heard all good things.”</p><p>“And you must be Christopher,” Evan said as he knelt down to meet Chris at eye level. “Your dad’s told me a lot about you, too, I’m excited we get to hang out finally.”</p><p>“My dad said you like videogames,” Christopher started, getting to the point just like his great grandmother had.</p><p>“I do. I heard that you have a pretty impressive collection going on back at your house,” Evan inquired sweetly as Eddie brimmed with love. He felt like it had been much too soon to say it- but it never stopped him from feeling it every time he’d laid eyes on him recently.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m pretty stacked,” Christopher returned, and the adults surrounding him laughed.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was grateful that his family shared an instant chemistry with Evan, but it was apparent that it was not only Eddie’s blood that was fond of him. While he watched Athena serving him a plate as he crowded with Bobby, Chimney, Maddie, and Hen, he felt like his picture was complete with Evan in it. It was an indescribable feeling to see him blending so seamlessly with the tribe that had accepted him after he’d first come to Los Angeles when being with a man for the first time had been such a terrifying concept. Eddie felt kind of foolish for being worried at all as he watched Christopher throw his arms around Evan’s shoulders after he’d presented him with an early Christmas gift when they’d been done with their lunch and the guests began thinning out.</p><p>“So I guess you gotta get back to work,” Evan said sadly after he’d helped Christopher and Abuela get back out to the car with Eddie.</p><p>He nodded solemnly and Eddie stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, but I’ll have Christmas Eve <em>and</em> Christmas Day off. I know it’s kind of presumptuous to think that you’d come and spend it with us at my aunt’s house, but… I was kind of hoping you would?”</p><p>“Which day?” Evan asked as he wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist and brought them close together.</p><p>“Every day,” Eddie said against his lips while they snapped at each other after the car had driven off. “Christmas, New Year, MLK Day, Groundhog Day-”</p><p>Evan giggled into their embrace and seized his tongue to shut him up. “I think I’d like that,” he agreed.</p><p>“Me, too,” Eddie whispered.</p><p> </p><p>They’d made plans to meet on Christmas Eve for lunch and see where the day would take them, and Eddie frowned as he helped Evan get settled into his Jeep so that he could drive away from him. Besides Evan’s internet presence, the only other bad part about their relationship seemed to be the times they had to separate. Eddie always had such a hard time letting him leave. When he went back into the firehouse, he was surprised by an attack from Maddie first thing after he’d stepped into the building.</p><p>“Ahh my god, Eddie,” she practically sobbed. “You two are so cute together,” Maddie said as she pumped the oxygen from his lungs with a startlingly strong grip.</p><p>Or maybe it was hearing out loud that they were an actual ‘you two’ and were really ‘together’. “Thanks,” he huffed.</p><p>“But, can I ask you for a favor? Like, a bit of a Christmas miracle, really?” Maddie winced as soon as she spoke the words.</p><p>“If this is about his job-” Eddie began but she shook her head right away.</p><p>“Okay, you’re right, I’m sorry,” Maddie apologized as she waved her hands into the space in front of her as if to clear the thought from the air.</p><p>“It’s not that I don’t agree with you, I just don’t want to spook him, you know? Things have been going really well, and I don’t want to ruin it by pushing something that’s none of my business.” Eddie could feel his face drop when he thought of the fact that Evan had still been actively posting videos to his OnlyFans page. It gave him little comfort to know that they had probably all been entirely prerecorded like Evan had described that they were.</p><p>“Yeah, I know, but he won’t listen to me. I feel like he’d probably listen to you,” Maddie suggested hopefully.</p><p>“I don’t know. I told him I support him no matter what he does, and I do,” Eddie shrugged truthfully.</p><p>“I do, too,” Maddie countered. “But I think he would love himself a lot more if he started doing something real with his time.” Eddie nodded.</p><p> </p><p>While he laid in his dorm room bunk trying to doze between calls Eddie thought of a way he could causally slip it into a conversation they’d organically been having without it seeming forced or contrived. He had been honest with Maddie in saying that he didn’t want to mess things up with Evan when they’d been going so well, but he happened to share her perspective that shifting his routine up would improve his self esteem.</p><p>He’d not wanted to broach the subject during their first Christmas together, so he let the holiday pass beautifully and without incident. But he thought about that conversation with Evan’s sister every night before he fell asleep for the rest of the year.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It hadn’t been spoken, but they knew they’d be each other’s New Year’s Eve kiss. Evan showed up at Eddie’s house around six that night with appetizers, champagne for them, and sparkling apple juice for Chris so that they could all toast midnight together, and Eddie set up the ingredients for him to make them all dinner. The night was going rather well until they’d notice Christopher had fallen asleep halfway through Spider-Man 3.</p><p>“So… now that Christopher’s out for a little bit, you think we could go to your room so I can show you something?”</p><p>Eddie raised his eyebrows. “Uhh, sure,” he said hesitantly. He’d not had any expectations that they’d be having sex, especially with Christopher in the house. But he didn’t know how to say no when he really did want it.</p><p>When they’d sat down together on Eddie’s bed, Evan picked his hips up off the mattress and produced his cell phone. He bit his lip as he tapped out a message and he leant down to lay across Eddie’s thighs until his phone buzzed in his pocket.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you just send me a message?” Eddie wondered as Evan nodded playfully and reached up to dig into Eddie’s pants to pull the device out on his behalf.</p><p>“I wanted to show you the video I uploaded earlier today,” Evan told him bashfully, knowing that Eddie didn’t like it when the subject of his OnlyFans page ever came up.</p><p>“Ahh,” Eddie stalled. The feeling of the stomach acid souring in his gut made him toss Evan from his lap. “I don’t think so.”</p><p>Evan frowned a bit and gave him a sad puppy face that almost made Eddie feel guilty. “I don’t want to see it,” he declined and stood his ground.</p><p>“I think you’d really like it,” Evan insisted.</p><p>“I’m sure you look fantastic, but Evan, I know I’m not gonna like it. I don’t wanna make a big deal out of this, but I had hoped that you would stop doing this when we became official.”</p><p>“I know you did,” Evan sighed. “And I’m sorry that I didn’t. But I think if you would check this one out-”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to see it!” Eddie practically screamed. “Look, I know I told you wasn’t gonna try to change you, but I don’t know if I can do this, Evan.”</p><p>“Is that some kind of ultimatum? You don’t wanna be with me anymore unless I stop?”</p><p>“Of course I wanna be with you- I enjoy being with you, Christopher is crazy about you, all my friends adore you. But Evan, it makes my skin crawl to think of other people looking at you the way they do!” Not only did it hurt him to think about it, it was pretty embarrassing that every man in the world got to be so close when they’d not even had sex yet properly.</p><p>“It didn’t seem to turn you off when you were one of them,” Evan pointed out.</p><p>“You want me to be honest? It did! I <em>hate </em>it! I can’t stand that you do this, Evan, and I’ve told you that! I’ve never liked it. You have so much potential and you’re totally content to just throw it in the trash!”</p><p>“You sound just like my parents right now,” Evan told him as he stood from the bed.</p><p>“Well, I feel pretty disappointed in you, too. You’re wasting your life,” Eddie said automatically. It had been somewhat cruel, but he’d meant it.</p><p>Evan swallowed hard and bobbled his head in understanding.</p><p>“Okay,” Evan shuddered as he backed down and started to leave the room. “I’m glad you got that off your chest,” he whispered before he disappeared around the door frame.</p><p>It shouldn’t have surprised him that Evan had left, but Eddie was actually grateful that Christopher had been knocked out because it allowed him the room to have a good cry about it. He started the new year flooded by a puddle of tears in a nest on the floor, watching the ball drop with the TV on mute while his son slept on the couch.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie watched his phone like a hawk after he’d woken up alone, but Evan hadn’t texted him. He’d felt foolish for even thinking that he might. Eddie had been fully in the wrong about this and though his feelings were his feelings, it wasn’t appropriate for him to take it out on Evan the way he had. It was only out of concern but the way he’d put it didn’t make it seem like that, and Evan probably didn’t see it that way because of the words he chose. He knew this for sure because he’d been replaying that entire doomed conversation in his head the entire day until he’d wound up passing out on his own for a second night in a row.</p><p>A couple of days had gone by and Eddie urged himself to toss his pride aside and be a man before his off-time from work was over. It was a difficult thing for him to do- he never had an easy time owning up when he’d been wrong. But he missed Evan, even after only mere hours, really, and he wanted to apologize for being such a jerk. He’d not meant to be so harsh when he’d chastised him without any ground to do so, but his passion for the subject had gotten the better of him. He only wanted Evan to be genuinely happy.</p><p>The text app on his phone with Evan’s text thread in it reminded him that the last correspondence between them was the video that Evan had wanted to Eddie to see, and with no blur on the thumbnail he could see clearly that Evan had been fully clothed and sat in front of the camera in a completely non-sexual pose. Feeling like an idiot the moment he clicked on it, Eddie closed his eyes until he heard Evan take that precious breath he needed to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, what’s up everyone? This video is gonna be a little different for me, and it’s taken me a while to do this because I wasn’t sure how to let you all know… I wanted to post and say thank you to everyone for visiting my page, and liking my videos, and being so generous, and tipping, and commenting, and being there for me when I needed you… and just generally being some amazing people. I have gotten… so much more out of this than I ever dreamed that I could,” he paused as his eyes became a little glassy, and Eddie’s heart skipped a beat.</p><p>“But every chapter in one’s life has to end eventually so that we can take those good things we got from it and keep going. And with the new year coming up, I feel like this is a good time to close this one, and just keep all those good things it gave me as I move forward with my life. You guys have brought me a lot of joy, as much as I hope I’ve brought to you. I’ve loved getting to know all of you this past year, and it’s been a lot of fun, but I have to say goodbye,” Evan said before he blew a kiss to the audience. “Take care of yourselves.” He smiled sweetly before reaching down in front of him and turning the recorder off. The hot tears streaming down his cheeks brought Eddie back to life and he opened up a thread to begin typing without thinking of what he was saying. He only knew that he needed to see Evan right away.</p><p> </p><p>After Carla had come over to sit with Christopher as Eddie had messaged her to ask, he raced out of the house and into the cab of his truck so that he could get to Evan’s loft.</p><p>“The door’s open,” Evan called out after Eddie had reached his landing and started knocking furiously, but he hesitated before he turned the knob to go inside.</p><p>“What took you so-” he started to ask from the living room, but he stopped in his tracks when he saw Eddie standing in the dining area through the slats in the staircase. “Oh.”</p><p>“Were you expecting someone else…?” Eddie asked pathetically, his jealousy getting the better of him while he imagined that Evan had been waiting for some random OnlyFans guy to break down the door and ravage him.</p><p>“Maddie,” Evan shrugged as he turned around to go back and sit on the couch. “We were gonna have dinner. She’s picking it up.”</p><p>“Oh,” Eddie muttered as he hung his head. “I guess I should get going then,” he replied monotonously.</p><p>“Yeah,” said Evan as he reclaimed his seat.</p><p>“But can I at least tell you that I’m sorry first?” Eddie breathed as he dropped the tough guy exterior he’d been trying to maintain. He came into the space to sit beside him when Evan didn’t reply and took it as a good sign that Evan's cat who'd only just started to warm to him didn't immediately scamper away from his sleeping spot on the back of the sofa.</p><p> </p><p>“Only if you let me say it, too,” Evan bargained after a break and Eddie furrowed his brows.</p><p>“What, why?” Eddie gasped, smiling when Evan mowed him into the fluff of the cushions so that they were laying in his favorite spot the way they had that first night they’d spent together.</p><p>“Because you’re right, I am wasting my life,” Evan muttered. “It’s easier than putting in the effort to make it count and getting my shit together so that I can grow up.”</p><p>“I shouldn’t have said that, cariño,” Eddie told him as he stroked the length of his back.</p><p>“But I know why you did. I get it, Eds,” Evan assured him as he cuddled into his body. “I just felt kind of scared when you got so upset about it because... I always jump into shit without thinking about the consequences and it always seems to blow up in my face like this. Surprise, right? I just needed some money at first and I wanted an easy job where I didn’t have a boss. I never really considered what would happen if I ended up meeting somebody because I never expected to. You make me think about things and question my existence, and analyze my actions; like, I finally want to do the work to be responsible and be a better person and I didn't know how to handle that. I’ve never been in love before, and I don’t know how to do it.”</p><p> </p><p>“What did you just say?” Eddie prodded him as he started to pinch at his ribs.</p><p>“I… don’t know, I should go,” Evan giggled as he buried his face in Eddie’s chest and tried to burrow his way into the couch behind Eddie’s torso in a comedic fashion.</p><p>“No, what did you say,” Eddie repeated as he started to tickle him.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” Evan exhaled as he looked up into Eddie’s eyes.</p><p>“That makes me feel a lot better about being in love with you,” Eddie admitted as he squeezed him tight.</p><p>Neither of them seemed to remember that Evan had been expecting his sister Maddie because when the door started to open, they scrambled off of each other like his mom had been coming home to catch them.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie!” Maddie grinned while she set food containers wrapped up in a plastic bag on top of the table and started to come toward them. “I’m so sorry, I wish I would’ve known you were gonna be around, I would’ve gotten enough food for all of us!”</p><p>“Oh, it’s no problem.” Eddie got up from his spot and decided that it was probably his cue to leave.</p><p>“No! Don’t leave,” Maddie begged as she encouraged him to sit back down with both hands on his shoulders. “How about this; I’ll go ahead and get back to Chimney’s, and you two can eat here.”</p><p>“That’s totally okay,” Eddie reiterated as he placed a delicate touch on each of her elbows. “I’ll just- we can hang out another time,” he insisted.</p><p>“You know what, actually, I have to go anyway,” Maddie lied, and not very well. “I forgot about, uh, some stuff I need to get to at home, and… I have a training session tomorrow with some new recruits at the call center, so… I probably shouldn’t be out late anyway. Go ahead and split mine or however you guys wanna do it, my treat! I’ll catch up with you later, Buck,” she promised as she whooshed herself out of the room so quickly Eddie would’ve guessed it could be in flames.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess that means I can stay now if you want?” Eddie observed and Evan stood up to wrap him up.</p><p>“I would like that.” Evan gave him a kiss.</p><p>“You told Maddie we had a fight, didn’t you?” Eddie surmised by how adamant Maddie was that she leave them on their own.</p><p>“Ahh, yes. Yes I did,” Evan confessed with his nose scrunched as they chuckled together while he started to shuttle them in sync toward the dining room area.</p><p>“What did she bring us?” Eddie inquired as he watched Evan untie the parcel she’d carried in that had the food inside.</p><p>“I just got a sandwich with some potato salad and a regular salad on the side, and I think Maddie said she ordered a cheeseburger,” Evan guessed as he rifled through the containers to find the item he craved first. It had actually been the plate ordered for Maddie, and Evan grabbed a French fry from the paper container with a devilish smirk. “But I kind of want the cheeseburger now.”</p><p>“Wanna split it?” Eddie proposed.</p><p>“I’ll fight you for it,” Evan growled before he bit at Eddie’s bottom lip.</p><p> </p><p>They ended up sharing everything with little bites from each meal as they had usually done every time they’d eaten together up to that point. Literally being half of a whole didn’t seem like a daunting chore or impossible task the way it sometimes did in Eddie’s previous relationships. Even when they’d disagreed with each other it was less of a challenge for him to “be right” and seemed almost too easy for him to forget about it so that they could make up when it had died down.</p><p>As they slipped into a Sons of Anarchy marathon with Norman perched on top of Evan's hip, Eddie wasn’t too concerned with the time because he’d already arranged for extra vacation days to have a long weekend with his family before his normal schedule resumed. Obviously he knew that Evan didn’t have any prior commitments, so it came as a bit of a shock when he requested that they stop without even finishing the first season in hopes that he would be able to get up to bed.</p><p>“You seriously wanna go to sleep right now? You don’t even wanna see if the baby’s gonna live?” Eddie joked as Evan got up and stretched his arms toward the sky.</p><p>“Sure, but I should probably get to sleep,” Evan said.</p><p>“And miss all this manufactured drama? What about this?” Eddie asked as he stood up behind him and sunk his fangs into his throat. He couldn’t deny that hickies were a little childish, but it turned him on to see Evan marked as his own.</p><p>“Ehh, don’t bite,” Evan prayed gently as though his heart weren’t in it and he lingered a moment under Eddie’s mouth before he moved away.</p><p>“Are you still mad at me?” Eddie sighed, wondering what on Earth he could possibly do to make it up to Evan if he didn’t believe that he was sorry.</p><p>“Nah, you’re back on my good side.” Evan looked over his shoulder as he started to go upstairs like he were summoning Eddie to come with him, but didn’t say anything else.</p><p> </p><p>When they’d gotten back up the stairs and Eddie found Evan pulling his top over his head, he decided to try again. He started to nip at his shoulder blades until he was denied a second time. He put his hands on Evan’s hips and started to follow the V to his crotch until Evan seized his touch with his own palms on top.</p><p>“I really shouldn’t fool around tonight, Eds,” Evan informed him with remorse in his tone. “I need to get some sleep, I got some important shit going on and I need to be focused and rested.”</p><p>“Important shit? What could be more important than fooling around?” Eddie gasped in disbelief.</p><p>“Well, I didn’t know at first, but you helped me figure it out,” Evan answered, confusing him more than clarifying the context.</p><p>“What? What are you talking about?” Eddie laughed as he helped himself to Evan’s pajama drawer and pulled out the grey sweatpants that he’d been wearing the first time they’d stayed together.</p><p>“Eddie, please.” Evan got into bed and flipped down the covers on the other side as an indication that Eddie should join him if he wanted to. “I have to be up at six to make it to fucking Palmdale by eight because that’s the only place offering EMT-1 courses that would accept me right now.”</p><p>“EMT courses?” Eddie questioned as he got in bed beside his boyfriend.</p><p>“Yeah… Bobby had to pull some strings to set it up for me kind of fast. But he said I couldn’t apply until I had an EMT certification,” he said matter-of-factly as he turned out the bedside lamp. “The one I got when I joined up with the SEALs was expired, so I need to get a new one.”</p><p>“Couldn’t apply? But you’re going to apply- You wanna be a firefighter?” Eddie practically squealed.</p><p>“Yeah, like, basically everyone in my life recently thinks that’s my spirit path, so… I can get behind that,” Evan said. “Maddie told me she would help me watch Norman, and I’ve heard there’s some really hot firefighters working for the 118. I should probably try and get in there so I can snag one of ‘em.”</p><p>“Luckily for you, I happen to know one personally,” Eddie played along as he climbed on top of his partner and ran his fingers through his curls.</p><p>“And you’re gonna set me up? I gotta warn you, I’m not really looking to be set up right now. I don’t like blind dates.” Evan snapped at Eddie while he chuckled at the irony, and he started to run his fingertips up his stomach without being swatted away again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading! If you liked it I would appreciate a lil comment or a kudo, it always helps me out with motivation to write more when I get notes and love!! If you didn't like it, thanks for at least taking the time to check it out and express an opinion about it. I'm on tumblr, luifairesaigner if you wanna say hello. 💕</p></blockquote></div></div>
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